Winter's coming. What's going to keep you warm?
I've got two different ideas for you, each varying ranges of "practical". One involves laughing at Ohio State – perhaps that's more a spiritual kind of "warm".
The other involves a very special way to get drunk. Maybe that's a warm kind of "spirit". Who's to say.
I'd like you to know, by the way, that I am including this navigation panel at the top very reluctantly – I put time into these posts, if you can believe it (it's part of why I've been about 50% this year...it's a lot of lifting and I'm, y'know, busy), and frankly? fuck you! read things! or scroll! suffer a little for my art.
Navigation Panel
- The Best OSUeasons
- Thursday Evening
- Friday Evening
- Saturday Morning
- Saturday Afternoon
- Saturday Evening
- It's late and I'm drunk...
The Best OSUeasons
This was an idea I started in a spreadsheet about a month ago, and I'm finally paying it off: in what year were the OSUs, collectively, the best?
This is a much less relevant question now than it was then: Ohio State has lost its quarterback Julian Sayin and, apparently, its entire ability to function as a competent football program (though Northwestern will cure what ails ya, Buckeyes, don't worry). Oregon State, despite retaining their phenomenal QB-WR tandem of Braden Atkinson and Jesse Legree, has lost two straight in pretty convincing fashion to Fresno and Texas State in Pac-12 play. And, in Stillwater, Eric Morris's 'Pokes can certainly score, but they've also forgotten how to play defense in losses to Houston and Iowa State.
STILL! It's an intriguing question to me, as Oregon State has been, historically, so goddamn bad that we should crunch the numbers.
Pull each team's list of seasons off CFB Reference, and away we went.
Best Total Wins: 2021
Just on raw numbers, it's a tie between 2002 and 2021 – both seasons, the OSUs combined to go 30-10. We'll give the tiebreak, though, to 2021, by dint of their combined superior conference records (21-6 vs. 17-7):
- Ohio State: 11-2 (8-1 B1G)
- Oklahoma State: 12-2 (8-1 Big XII)
- Oregon State: 7-6 (5-4 Pac-12)
What's funny about this being the "best season" for all three teams combined is that this is notably a disappointing season for Ohio State: the Buckeyes lost at home to #12 Oregon in non-conference play, then lost to Michigan, 42-27, in the season finale, missing both the Big Ten Championship Game and the College Football Playoff as a result. (They consoled themselves by playing with their food against, but ultimately vanquishing, Utah.)
But ah, the high-water mark for Oklahoma State under then-17th-year head coach Mike Gundy. Despite a pretty fradulent start to the season (23-16 over FCS Missouri State, 28-23 over Tulsa, 21-20 at Boise State), the 'Pokes then rattled off three straight ranked wins over Kansas State, Baylor, and Texas. The inexplicable loss to Iowa State, though, comes for us all – Okie Lite still made the Big XII Championship, but a 21-16 loss to Baylor there bounced them from the Playoff and into a Fiesta Bowl with #5 Notre Dame, which they won, 37-35.
Under a coaching up-and-comer (wonder whatever happened to him), Oregon State took an opening-season L at Purdue, then rattled off four straight over Hawai'i, Idaho, USC(!), and Washington. Water found its level from there, and following a closing loss to Oregon, the Beavs dropped the LA Bowl to Utah State.
Herein lies the challenge of this whole conceit: I really thought there would be a year that they were all better than this! When I was just doing some spreadsheet scrolling while I noodled this idea around one day, bored in a meeting, I was convinced there would be a better season for all three.
There was not. Unless...
Best Win Percentage: 1957!
NOW WE'RE TALKING.
Narrowly beating out 2012 (.763 overall but just 29 combined wins) and the aforementioned 30-win seasons, look back to 1957 and see a combined 23-6-1 (.767):
- The Buckeyes won the national championship, completing a 9-1 (7-0 B1G) season with a 10-7 Rose Bowl win over – who else? – Oregon. Ohio State's only loss was an opening-season defeat at home to TCU, 18-14, but they caught fire in conference play, closing with thumping wins over #5 Iowa and #19 Michigan to set up their Rose Bowl date with destiny.
- This was a season of firsts for Oklahoma State: newly renamed from Oklahoma A&M, the Cowboys also left the Missouri Valley Conference before this season. There's not much special here – the 'Pokes lost to Arkansas and Kansas, two of the three "major conference" teams they played. The third, Bedlam with Oklahoma...resulted in a 53-6 loss. No bowl game.. Weirdly, they would've tied for the MVC had they stayed, going 3-0-1 against four of their former conference mates (North Texas State, Houston, Wichita State, and Tulsa).
- This was a high-water mark for the Beavs, though! Coming off a Pacific Coast Conference title under Tommy Prothro, Oregon State repeated, with a 6-2 record in conference play, tying them with hated Oregon, who they'd beaten the week prior in the Civil War. This turned out, though, to be very frustrating: because the Beavs had gone to the Rose Bowl in 1956 (losing to Iowa), the PCC's no-repeat rule screwed them, and they stayed home that winter.
The Worst OSUseasons
Most Losses, Fewest Wins, AND Worst Percentage: 1991
The OSUs combined to go 9-24-1 (.265) this year. You'd think that'd be glorious, right?
Wrong.
- Ohio State went 8-4. Ho-hum. Losses to the three ranked B1G teams they faced (Illinois, Iowa, Michigan) and no wins over ranked teams saw them fall to #25 and the Hall of Fame Bowl, where they lost to Syracuse and finished outside the Top 25 for the second straight year (and third of the first four) under John Cooper.
And now, you're realizing, that means...
- Oregon State went 1-10. Jerry Pettibone's first year (with first-year DC Rocky Long!) was not ideal, as the Beavers dropped their first ten games while getting outscored 362-114. But, you're realizing, that 0-10 start means their one win...
...well, it was a 14-3 upset of Oregon. Good start, Jerry!
Pettibone peaked at 4-7 (2-6) in 1994 and was fired after a 1-10 (0-8) campaign in 1995. - Finally, as you're realizing 8 + 1 = 9 in a 9-24-1 season, that's right! Oklahoma State went 0-10-1 under 8th-year coach Pat Jones, only managing to tie Iowa State, 6-6.
I hope we've all learned something.
Thursday Night
Don't Watch This
Louisiana Ragin' Cajuns (-10.5, O/U 49.5) at UL Monroe Warhawks [8pm, ESPN2]
{NFL slop}
Watch That
Memphis Tigers at South Florida Brahman Bulls
7pm | ESPN | Memphis -3.5 | O/U 50.5
I'm back on my "I should probably lose some weight" bullshit, though of course that doesn't mean "Diet or exercise," it just means "Drink less booze, you prick."
(So far it's working.)
It's not, though, like I'm just going to stop having the occasional drink.
Instead, I'll lean into the winter months: IT'S TIME TO GET PANTS DRUNK.
For the uninitiated, getting "pants drunk" is the Finnish art of kalsarikännit.
Literally "pants drunk," this became a kind of gritty replacement to the hygge lifestyle of white suburban women in the pre-Trump era of the 2010s. Ideal for the winter months, kalsarikännit emphasizes an outward Finnish stoicism before going home, stripping down to your underwear, and having a few drinks with no intention of going out.
If you'd like to see what this looks like in practice, check out the British comedians Russell Howard and Greg Davies doing it:
Well worth the seven minutes.
Friday Evening
Don't Watch This
Florida State Seminoles at Pitt Panthers (-3.5, O/U 53.5) [6pm, ESPN]
Southern Utah Thunderbirds (-10.5, O/U 62.5) at Portland State Vikings [9pm, ESPN+]
Watch That
Illinois Fighting Illini at #4 UCLA Bruins
8pm | FOX | UCLA -10 | O/U 47.5
#14 Houston Cougars at Colorado Buffaloes
9:15pm | ESPN | UH -9.5 | O/U 51.5
The point of mentioning kalsarikännit with my own drinking habits, though, includes one thing they mention in the Howard-Davies movie above: long drink.
We've surely talked at some point in the OTE days about long drink, but it's worth repeating – from the Finnish lonkero, it's a drink of gin and grapefruit soda, the product of a relaxed state alcohol policy in the 1950s ahead of Finland hosting the 1952 Summer Olympics.
Simple recipe: gin and grapefruit soda.
Now available in pre-canned form – including a high-ABV version that'll get you there – long drink is a delight, and I'm going to spend my winter experimenting with various gins and grapefruit pop. I'll start with a Fresca and report back next week.
Saturday Morning
Don't Watch This
Duke Blue Devils at #7 Miami Fluoride Hurricanes (-13.5, O/U 54.5) [11am, ABC]
Northwestern Wildcats at #20 OSU Buckeyes (-12.5, O/U 45.5) [11am, FOX]
Syracuse Oregon (-2.5, O/U 53.5) at North Carolina State Wolfpack [11am, ACCN]
wisconsin badgers (-8.5, O/U 43.5) at Maryland Terrapins [11am, FS1]
Auburn Tigers (-2.5, O/U 50.5) at Mississippi State Bulldogs [11am, ESPN2]
[15] Illinois State Redbirds at [3] Youngstown State Penguins (-13.5, O/U 64.5) [11am, ESPN+]
Nebraska Cornhuskers (-13.5, O/U 52.5) at Rutgers Scarlet Knights [11:30am, BTN]
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets at Clemson Tigers (-13.5, O/U 47.5) [11:30am, The CW]
#3 Alabama Crimson Tide (-16.5, O/U 50.5) at Vanderbilt Commodores [11:45am, SECN]
UAB Blazers at Temple Owls (-2.5, O/U 48.5) [12pm, ESPN+]
Arkansas State Red Wolves at Coastal Carolina Chanticleers (-1.5, O/U 50.5) [12pm, ESPN+]
East Carolina Pirates (-11.5, O/U 45.5) at Charlotte 49ers [12pm, ESPN+]
Chicago State Update
Virginia-Lynchburg Dragons at Chicago State Cougars
12pm | ESPN+ | CSU -34.5 | O/U 64.5
Ladies and gentlemen, your 2-7 Chicago State Cougars are ROLLING!
Fresh off an 80-17 pasting of NCCAA Fort Lauderdale, the Cougars are all the way up to #373 in Bill Connelly's All 772 ratings. Pairs nicely with CSU being all the way up to #311 in Kenpom's ratings following last night's BEATDOWN of Cal Baptist in Riverside.
It's a good time to be a Cougar, is what I'm saying.
Their opponents this week, the Virginia-Lynchburg Dragons, are 2-7. They're an HBCU Baptist college across town from Falwell's Correspondence U. They, like the Cougars' previous opponents, are also NCCAA. They have not updated their football's schedule page since a Week 2 loss to Roanoke, 37-7. Expect this to be non-competitive and the Cougars to have their first-ever winning streak.
Watch That
#13 Wake Forest Demon Deacons at SMU Cocaineponies
11am | ESPN | Wake -1.5 | O/U 60.5
James Madison Dukes at UConn Huskies
11am | CBSSN | JMU -4.5 | O/U 57.5
That...uh...that's definitely a Big Ten schedule! Aidan Chiles is OUT again for your Northwestern Wildcats, meaning it's barely worth tuning in to NU-OSU, and the other two games involve the B1G East newcomers once again getting their brakes blown off. Enjoy.
You might be noticing, if you're the basketball dilettante that I am, that there are the same amount of D-I programs as last year, but also that we've had a change! In come the Argonauts of the University of West Florida, out go the Red Flash (now Red Wolves) of St. Francis University-Pennsylvania, who have reclassified to D-III. They join a few other schools you may or may not remember to make the drop since 2000:
- St. Francis (Brooklyn) Terriers: dropped college athletics entirely in 2025-26.
- Hartford (CT) Hawks: dropped to D-III in 2023-24.
- Savannah State Tigers: after 11 financially-turbulent years, dropped back to D-II in 2017.
- Centenary (LA) Gentlemen and Ladies: dropped to D-III in 2011 after finishing their final D-I basketball season 1-29.
- Winston-Salem State Rams: competed as provisional members of the MEAC from 2007-2010, but couldn't chart a financial path forward and returned to D-II.
- Birmingham-Southern Panthers: the Alabama private school went 19-9 in its final D-I season, dropping to D-III in 2006 after just 5 years in D-I. The school, beset by financial troubles, closed at the end of the 2023-24 school year.
- Morris Brown College Wolverines: the Atlanta-based HBCU moved up from Division II in 2001 for a brief dalliance with independent status in D-I. It went...poorly: MBC shuttered its athletics program entirely in 2003, the same year the college lost its accreditation, which it regained 20 years later. (MBC is also the school from Drumline.)
I hope we've learned something.
Saturday Afternoon
Don't Watch This
Kansas State Wildcats at TCU Horned Frogs (-10.5, O/U 45.5) [1pm, ESPNU]
Kennesaw State Owls (-7.5, O/U 46.5) at Sam Houston Bearkats [1pm, ESPN+]
Tulane Green Wave at Rice Owls (-2.5, O/U 48.5) [1pm, ESPN+]
[13] Mercer Bears at [9] Tenn Tech Golden Iggles (-7.5, O/U 52.5) [1:30pm, ESPN+]
#8 Tennessee Volunteers (-2.5, O/U 43.5) at Texas A&M Aggies [2pm, ESPN+]
New Mexico State Aggies at Missouri State Bears (-1.5, O/U 48.5) [2pm, ESPN+]
FIU Sunblazers at Delaware Mini Coochies (-5.5, O/U 54.5) [2pm, ESPN+]
#22 Mizzou Tigers at #1 Georgia Bulldogs (-15.5, O/U 47.5) [2:30pm, ABC]
Boston College Eagles at #5 Notre Dame Fighting Irish (-29.5, O/U 52.5) [2:30pm, NBC]
Baylor Bears at #10 BYU Cougars (-7.5, O/U 49.5) [2:30pm, FOX]
Michigan Wolverines at #16 Oregon Ducks (-11.5, O/U 38.5) [2:30pm, FS1]
California Golden Bears at Virginia Cavaliers (-10, O/U 46.5) [2:30pm, ACCN]
Arizona State Sun Devils at UCF Citronauts (-3, O/U 49.5) [2:30pm, ESPN2]
Middle Tennessee (+20.5, O/U 53.5) [2:30pm, CBSSN]
Jacksonville State Gamecocks (-7.5, O/U 54.5) at Western Kentucky Hilltoppers [2:30pm, ESPN+]
Nevada Wolf Pack (-7.5, O/U 47.5) at Northern Illinois Huskies [2:30pm, MW+]
Fresno State Bulldogs at Texas State Bobcats (-9.5, O/U 60.5) [3pm, The CW]
[18] Weber State Wildcats at [9] Northern Arizona Lumberjacks (-6.5, O/U 66.5) [3pm, ESPN+]
#19 Ole Miss Rebels (-1.5, O/U 49.5) at Oklahoma Sooners [3:15pm, SECN]
Washington Huskies (-3.5, O/U 43.5) at Michigan State Spartans [3:15pm, BTN]
Southern Miss Golden Iggles at Louisiana Tech Bulldogs (-17.5, O/U 56.5) [4pm, ESPN+]
Watch That
#18 USC Trojans at #9 Indiana Hoosiers
2:30pm | CBS | IU -7.5 | O/U 50.5
Florida Atlantic Owls at Tulsa Golden Hurricane
2:30pm | ESPN+ | Tulsa -5.5 | O/U 74.5!!!
Georgia Southern Eagles at Georgia State Panthers
2:30pm | ESPN+ | GASo -5.5 | O/U 56.5
Kansas Jayhawks at West Virginia Mountaineers
4:30pm | ESPNU | WVU -3 | O/U 67.5
Just in case you need help making sense of what's happening in the world of finance –
Anyway, we've got a number of incredible 65+ totals today in college football, including FAU-Tulsa up at 74.5.
More importantly, I just had to turn off the auto-correct feature on this new chromebook's typing functions, as in just that last sentence above, it (1) capitalized "A Number", (2) made "INCREDIBLE" all-caps, (3) made "TOTALS" all-caps, and (4) capitalized "Up" after FAU-Tulsa.
More annoyingly, it continues to try and capitalize wisconsin.
Saturday Evening
Don't Watch This
Oregon State Beavers at #24 Boise State Broncos (-13.5, O/U 65.5) [5pm, USA]
Appalachian State Mountaineers (-1.5, O/U 54.5) at Marshall Thundering Herd [5pm, ESPN+]
Florida Gators at #11 Kentucky Wildcats (-3.5, O/U 52.5) [5:15pm, ESPN]
Troy Trojans at South Alabama Jaguars (-2.5, O/U 55.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
Minnesota Golden Gophers at Penn State Nittany Lions (-9.5, O/U 42.5) [6pm, FS1] – 🔔🔔🔔
San Jose State Spartans at Air Force Falcons (-11.5, O/U 47.5) [6pm, CBSSN]
#6 Texas Longhorns at #21 LSU Tigers (-4.5, O/U 46.5) [6:30pm, ABC]
Purdue Boilermakers at #15 Iowa Hawkeyes (-17.5, O/U 47.5) [6:30pm, NBC]
Stanford Cardinal at Virginia Tech Hokies (-15.5, O/U 58.5) [6:30pm, ACCN]
UNLV Rebels at New Mexico Lobos (-14.5, O/U 46.5) [6:30pm, The CW]
#17 South Carolina Gamecocks (-7.5, O/U 51.5) at Arkansas Razorbacks [6:45pm, SECN]
Watch That
Lhvl Crdnls at UNC Tar Heels
6pm | ESPN2 | Lhvl -3.5 | O/U 59.5
#2 Utah Utes at #23 Arizona Wildcats
6:30pm | FOX | UU -2.5 | O/U 54.5
Texas at LSU, huh?
it's about meeting voters where they are
— Tim Murphy (@timothypmurphy.bsky.social) 2026-11-12T01:57:10.162Z
It's late and I'm drunk...
Don't Watch This
Utah State Aggies (-2.5, O/U 42.5) at San Diego State Aztecs [8:30pm, USA]
Wyoming Cowboys (-7.5, O/U 39.5) at UTEP Miners [9pm, FS1]
Colorado State Rams at Washington State Cougars (-9.5, O/U 67.5) [9:30pm, CBSSN]
Watch That
North Texas Mean Green at UTSA Roadrunners
8pm | ESPNU | UNT -2.5 | O/U 76.5!!!
#12 Texas Tech Red Raiders at #25 Oklahoma State Cowboys
8:30pm | ESPN | OSU -3.5 | O/U 73.5
North Dakota State School for When You Think UM-Crookston is Too Difficult and UND is Too Woke Bizon at Hawai'i Rainbow Disappointments
10pm | The CW | NDSSWYTUMCTDUNDTW -6.5 | O/U 38.5
This is about as good a late schedule as you're gonna see. All on cable channels, meaning no app-forced single-viewing. QUADBOX TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT. I'll be going with the three Watch That games plus Rams-Cougars, but don't sleep on Aggies-Aztecs blowing riiiight through that point total. SDSU is bad, but they'll randomly decide they want to put up a shit-ton of points, and Utah State is bad.
Lest you think, though, that the 76.5 in UNT-UTSA is a ridiculously high point total: the 2015 Baylor-Texas Tech line (featuring Patrick Mahomes against Seth Russell) got bet up to 90.5 points in Vegas. (The game ended at an eye-popping 63-35 for the Bears.) That ESPN article includes the other games with 80+ point totals...god bless the early 2010s Big XII spread, man.
That's it from me. Take off those pants and enjoy the games, everyone.
