Brief one today, I'm running late – only five teams and coaches have ever beaten September Maryland under Mike Locksley. Name as many as you can.
If you've like me to tell you the teams, scroll down below the jump links. If you'd like the years, those are below the next picture...
The years in which Maryland lost a game in September:
- 2019
- 2019
- 2022
- 2024
- 2024
Remember, if you'd like to play this game on hard mode, I want the coach and the team. Answers at the bottom.
What games are happening... Thursday Evening, Friday Evening, Saturday Morning, Saturday Afternoon, Saturday Evening, It's late and I'm drunk...
Otherwise, if you want the teams, I'll give you those after this jump...
Very well. Your final hints, in the form of the five teams that have beaten September Maryland since Locksley has been coaching:
- Penn State
- Temple
- Michigan
- Michigan State
- Indiana
See you at the bottom for answers.
Thursday Evening
Don't Watch This
{NFL} Detroit Lions at Buffalo Bills [7:15pm, Prime]
Charleston (WV) Golden Eagles at Concord (WV) Mountain Lions [6pm, MEtv]
Watch That
Syracuse Orange at Pittsburgh Panthers
6:30pm | ESPN | Pitt -10.5 | O/U 51.5
I have only partially moved into my new office at Large Public University, in part because at the end of next week I will have spent nine days of the last 21 on the road for work. As I look around, I see...
- A calendar from the old user, still on July 2026
- A drawer that has a combination lock whose code I do not know
- A sad plant on the windowsill that I thought was fake but I realize now was not
I think I'm meant to escape from this room, but I fear I will need to work with my teammates to do so – and no one visits anymore.
Anyway, that's got me in the mood for Syracuse-Pitt!
Friday Evening
Don't Watch This
Framingham State Rams at UMass Dartmouth Corsairs [6pm, MASCAC]
#5 Miami Fluoride Hurricanes (-20.5, O/U 56.5) at Wake Forest Demon Deacons [6:30pm, ESPN]
Portland State Vikings at #21 Oregon Ducks (-56.5, O/U 67.5) [9:30pm, BTN]
Watch That
#22 Houston Cougars at #13 Texas Tech Red Raiders
7pm | FOX | Tech -7.5 | O/U 53.5
Because I drive long distances to work but then often need to get out of the car and head right into the office, I'm stuck with the question of what to wear – do I dress up fully before I leave, or do I dress comfortably (read: not a sweater/vest/sweater vest, jeans/slacks, and dress shoes) and change along the way?
The solution has been "dress up, but wear comfortable shoes, like my Birkenstocks."
I realize that now I have painted a picture of your standard ivory tower academic, and there's frankly not much I can do about that. Today I'm even wearing a tie under a zip-up vest for the first time at work in years – I look like a small-town banker who's going to foreclosure on a farm.
But let me tell you, the combination of "vest/sweater vest" and "sandals" walking into a rural Minnesota Kwik Trip at 4:45am – something about that confuses the hell out of all the construction and blue-collar guys there in their reflective vests or trucker caps.
I aim for "real vibe", even if that vibe is "wow, you look like an asshole."
Saturday Morning
Don't Watch This
#2 Georgia Bulldogs (-25.5, O/U 54.5) at Arkansas Razorbacks [11am, ABC]
Kent State Golden Flashes at #6 Ohio State Buckeyes (-52.5, O/U 59.5) [11am, FOX]
Buffalo Bulls at #14 Penn State Nittany Lions (-40.5, O/U 49.5) [11am, BTN]
Mercer Bears at Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (-39.5, O/U 58.5) [11am, ACCN]
North Carolina Tar Heels at Clemson Tigers (-3.5, O/U 44.5) [11am, ESPN]
Bowling Green Falcons at Iowa State Cyclones (-23.5, O/U 44.5) [11am, ESPNU]
Tulane Green Wave at Kansas State Wildcats (-20.5, O/U 49.5) [11am, ESPN2]
Akron Zips at Minnesota Golden Gophers (-23.5, O/U 49.5) [11am, BTN]
Eastern Michigan Eagles at wisconsin badgers (-24.5, O/U 45.5) [11:30am, Le Coq]
North Carolina State Wolfpack at Vanderbilt Commodores (-3.5, O/U 50.5) [11:45am, SECN]
Watch That
Coastal Carolina Chanticleers at Delaware Fighting Blue Hens
10:30am | CBSSN | UD -5.5 | O/U 57.5
North Texas Mean Green at Texas State Bobcats
11am | USA | Texas State -2.5 | O/U 63.5
These are just two solid, potentially high-scoring games among G5 schools. The Fightin' Hens have QB Nick Minicucci, the wonderfully erratic senior gunslinger; the Chants, meanwhile, picked up redshirt frosh Deuce Bailey from Missouri State, and he's 6 TDs to 0 INTs through a couple weeks, having helped Coastal put a scare in West Virginia during Week 1.
But, of course, that's not what you're here to talk about. What you want is...
Wyoming Cowboys at Central Michigan Chippewas
12pm | ESPN+ | CMU -1.5 | O/U 39.5
Arizona State Sun Devils vs. Kansas Jayhawks
11am | FS1 | ASU -5.5 | O/U 50.5 | in London, for some fucking reason
Why. Why are either of these games happening?
With the Wyo-CMU one, I guess, it's ambition – stupid ambition, but ambition. All the directional Michigan MACs do this with mid-major home-and-homes:
- WMU: at Rice, vs. Boise (2026); Rice (2027); at Delaware (2028); at Boise (2029); Delaware, at FIU (2030); Georgia Southern, at North Texas (2031)
- CMU: at New Mexico, vs. Wyo (2026); Old Dominion, at Wyo (2027); at Troy (2028); New Mexico, at Rutgers (2029); Troy, at San Diego State (2030)
- EMU: San Jose State (2026); San Diego State, at Georgia Southern (2027); Marshall (2028); at San Jose State, vs. Georgia Southern (2029); Coastal Carolina, at Army (2030)
I'd be curious to learn from a directional Michigan MAC AD what the logic is there – most years include two buy games (at MSU, at wisconsin this year for EMU; at Pitt and at Tennessee in 2027 for WMU; not until at Michigan and at Tennesseee in 2028 for CMU) – and I'm sure this is a way of balancing competition with making the program's balance sheet work.
If the goal, though, is that fleeting CFP appearance, it's tougher to see how this is going to make that happen, particularly as the Pac-8 and American conferences have beefed up their rolls and should be able to lock down that G6 spot regularly.
Anyway, that there's a Week 3 game in London...just dispense with any fiction that these are college students. Please. Politicians, educators, everyone. I beg you. There's no way any other college student would be allowed to fuck off to London for 6-7 days for a university-sponsored event. Play it Week 0 if we're going to even try to keep up this charade.
Saturday Afternoon
Don't Watch This
Southern Illinois Salukis at Illinois Fighting Illini (-41.5, O/U 54.5) [1pm, Le Coq]
Maine Black Bears at Boston College Eagles (-37.5, O/U 53.5) [1pm, ACCNX]
Temple Owls at Toledo Rockets (-5.5, O/U 50.5) [2pm, CBSSN]
Eastern Illinois Panthers at Illinois State Redbirds [2pm, ESPN] – Mid-America Classic
Kentucky Wildcats at #9 Texas A&M Aggies (-16.5, O/U 50.5) [2:30pm, ESPN]
Florida State Seminoles at #10 Alabama Crimson Tide (-19.5, O/U 48.5) [2:30pm, ABC]
#12 USC Trojans (-23.5, O/U 60.5) at the Team That Lost to UMass [2:30pm, CBS]
Utah State Aggies at #17 Utah Utes (-27.5, O/U 57.5) [2:30pm, FOX]
UTEP Miners at #19 Michigan Wolverines (-34.5, O/U 49.5) [2:30pm, BTN]
Stonehill Skyhawks at UMass Minutemen (-33.5, O/U 49.5) [2:30pm, ESPN+]
Duquesne Dukes at Washington State Cougars (-38.5, O/U 53.5) [2:30pm, USA]
Wagner Seahawks at Cal Golden Bears [2:30pm, ACCN]
Western Kentucky Hilltoppers at #4 Indiana Hoosiers (-44.5, O/U 60.5) [3pm, Le Coq]
UNI Panthers at #18 Iowa Hawkeyes (-38.5, O/U 49.5) [3pm, FS1]
LaTech Bulldogs at Baylor Bears (-19.5, O/U 53.5) [3pm, ESPNU]
Stanford Red Nerds at Duke Blue Nerds (-9.5, O/U 50.5) [3pm, The CW]
Balls Tate Robotbirds (+14.5, O/U 50.5) [3pm, ESPN+]
Mississippi State Bulldogs at South Carolina Gamecocks (-4, O/U 58.5) [3:15pm, SECN]
SE Louisiana Lions at UL Monroe Warhawks (-11.5, O/U 48.5) [3:30pm, ESPN+]
Chicago State Cougars Football Update
Chicago State Cougars at Butler Bulldogs
12pm | ESPN+ | CSU: 1-2 (SP+ 356) | Butler: 2-1 (SP+ 199)
Last Week: Cougars def. Kentucky Christian, 78-7
HELL YEAH BROTHER, FIRST EVER COUGARS WIN
🔔🔔🔔
Miami Hydroxide Redhawks at Cincinnati Bearcats
2:30pm | ESPN+ | Cincy -14.5 | O/U 49.5
Watch That
#16 SMU Cocaineponies at #23 Lhvl Crdnls
2:30pm | ESPN2 | Lhvl -1.5 | O/U 60.5
My fun Miami-Cincinnati connection is this: I was in Oxford, OH, earlier this year, and while (allegedly) out on the town after drinking, I made an important pit stop:
If you'd like my hilariously wrong betting take, here goes – there are two locks this week, in my mind:
- Duke -9.5 over Stanford
- Nebraska -24.5 over North Dakota
Both lines seem crazy low to me.
Saturday Evening
Don't Watch This
East Carolina Pirates at Old Dominion Monarchs (-3, O/U 49.5) [5pm, ESPN+]
Charlotte 49ers at Appalachian State Mountaineers (-17.5, O/U 51.5) [5pm, ESPN+]
Marshall Thundering Herd (-3.5, O/U 51.5) at Missouri State Bears [5:30pm, CBSSN]
Troy Trojans at #20 Mizzou Tigers (-26.5, O/U 50.5) [6pm, SECN+]
Florida Gators (-2.5, O/U 53.5) at Auburn Tigers [6pm, ESPN]
Western Michigan Broncos (-9.5, O/U 43.5) at Rice Owls [6pm, ESPN+]
Murray State Racers at Oklahoma State Cowboys (-55.5, O/U 70.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
Ohio Bobcats at South Alabama Jaguars (-5.5, O/U 51.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
Delaware State Hornets at USF Brahman Bulls (-37.5, O/U 61.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
Nevada Wolf Pack (-3.5, O/U 50.5) at Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders [6pm, ESPN+]
Georgia Southern Eagles at Jacksonville State Gamecocks (-3.5, O/U 52.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
UConn Huskies (-3, O/U 54.5) at Southern Miss Golden Iggles [6pm, ESPN+]
Georgia State Panthers at UCF Citronauts (-18.5, O/U 50.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
UT Martin Skyhawks at Memphis Tigers (-34.5, O/U 57.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
Nicholls State Colonels at Sam Houston Bearkats (-18.5, O/U 50.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
Eastern Washington Eagles at Washington Huskies (-42.5, O/U 57.5) [6:15pm, BTN]
North Dakota Just Google Ralph Englestad at Nebraska Cornhuskesr (-24.5, O/U 50.5) [6:15pm, BTN]
📣📣📣 Michigan State Spartans at #3 Notre Dame Fighting Irish (-29.5, O/U 52.5) [6:30pm, NBC]
#11 BYU Cougars (-18, O/U 52.5) at Colorado State Rams [6:30pm, CBS]
New Mexico Lobos at #24 Oklahoma Sooners (-22.5, O/U 46.5) [6:30pm, ESPN2]
👂👂👂 West Virginia Mountaineers at #25 Virginia Cavaliers (-10.5, O/U 53.5) [6:30pm, ACCN]
Kennesaw State Owls at #15 Tennessee Volunteers (-35.5, O/U 60.5) [6:45pm, SECN]
UTSA Roadrunners at #1 Texas Longhorns (-30.5, O/U 58.5) [7pm, SECN+]
Arkansas State Red Wolves at TCU Horned Frogs (-20.5, O/U 56.5) [7pm, ESPNU]
UAB Blazers at Louisiana Ragin🌶 Cajuns (-7.5, O/U 56.5) [7pm, ESPN+]
East Texas A&M Lions at Tulsa Golden Hurricane (-41.5, O/U 56.5) [7pm, ESPN+]
Watch That
SHULA BOWL: FIU Sunblazers at FAU Owls
5pm | ESPN+ | FAU -7 | O/U 62.5
#7 LSU Tigers at #8 Ole Miss Rebels
6:30pm | ABC | LSU -3 | O/U 59.5
Colorado Buffaloes at Northwestern Wildcats
6:30pm | FOX | NU -3.5 | O/U 48.5
Virginia Tech Hokies at Maryland Terrapins
6:30pm | FS1 | VaTech -3 | O/U 53.5
As ESPN headlines now trumpet that colossal moron and troll par excellence Lane Kiffin has been using ChatGPT as a form of legal advice, it'd be good if we understood what LSU-Ole Miss really is. And I think this is a nice summation of, at least, the Ole Miss side of things:
It's worth reminding yourself, if you'd like, that LSU's library is half underwater or covered by plastic sheeting and falling down around them. Meanwhile, their state's highest-paid employee oscillates between "hilarious troll" and "oooooooof."
I can't wait to watch it in between peeks between my fingers at whatever Northwestern and Colorado are choosing to call "football".
Boulder was, however, one of my favorite research trips from the dissertation days. I booked a place on about 5 days' notice (because I was 27 and an idiot), grabbing the one spare bedroom left on Craigslist that wasn't $1,000 for two weeks' lodging. It was in the home of a guy out in Table Mesa, first-floor room with a bathroom that I shared with one other person (maybe his adult son?) who I never saw.
He was a psychology PhD, probably early 60s, who had left the corporate world and decided to go into used guitar sales. He informed me, as I walked in the house and got mauled (friendly) by his bear of a dog, that he jammed with some guys on a regular basis – they smoked a lot of weed and played in the basement and while it was soundproofed, I should be prepared for both those things.
Those friends were over and doing that every night for the 12 days I was in Boulder. I could not believe it.
Basement was sound-proofed as hell, though. Never went down there to see what it was all about – our only other interaction, save pleasantries, was when I came home and grabbed my dinner out for the fridge and he was eating raw salmon out of a bowl. He insisted I try a piece, dipping it in whatever soy-and-wasabi concoction he had.
It was pretty good. I wonder how he's doing.
It's late and I'm drunk...
Don't Watch This
South Dakota Coyotes at Boise State Broncos (-24.5, O/U 54.5) [9pm, CBSSN]
North Dakota State Dick Cheese Processing Facility Bizon (-27.5, O/U 51.5) at Sacramento State Hornets [9:30pm, ESPN]
Northern Illinois Huskies at Arizona Wildcats (-34.5, O/U 49.5) [9:30pm, TNT]
Purdue Boilermakers at UCLA Bruins (-14.5, O/U 53.5) [10pm, BTN]
Watch That
James Madison Dukes at San Diego State Aztecs
9pm | The CW | SDSU -2.5 | O/U 46.5
Montana Grizzlies at Oregon State Beavers
10pm | USA | OSU -17.5 | O/U 52.5
Fresno State Bulldogs at San Jose State Spartans
10pm | FS1 | Fresno -6.5 | O/U 50.5 | VALLEY TROPHY
Even as we turn our evening attention to A Few Good Games – some G6 contenders playing a weird one in San Diego, a potential FCS upset, and a MINOR RIVALRY GAME – we should nonetheless stop and appreciate what the Midwest's silliest place (North Dakota) gives us.
...no, not a still-operating state-owned bank and grain mill (yes, I know, SOCIALISM!). I meant this:
Ian Campbell
When we say "man of the world," I think this is what we mean.
Answers to September Maryland:
- James Franklin (2019, Penn State)
- Rod Carey (2019, Temple)
- Jim Harbaugh (2022, Michigan)
- Jonathan Smith (2024, Michigan State)
- Curt Cignetti (2024, Indiana)
Enjoy the games, everyone.
