Originally there were going to be two bits of business here, but I've got to drive back out to Large Public University today for about 4 hours worth of mandatory meetings and to do a media hit from my office. So you get ONE item instead.
Before I do, though, it's worth noting that this drive came AFTER a morning appointment for the kid – meaning I had about 3:10 to make a drive that Maps says is 3:43, lest I be 39 minutes late to a meeting at which my dean would be in attendance and expected to speak with me. (I'll let you do that math.)
That does lead to something I enjoy far too much: seeing just how many minutes I can shave off the Google Maps projection.
When I'm driving – and god knows that happens often – there are two schools is thought:
- I'm out early enough but want to GET there: I'll hew to the fastest route, using my own poor driving habits (speeding, excessive passing, no patience for anyone over the age of 65 still being allowed to drive) to shave off time. When I was driving to Regional Public University, this meant taking the four-lane state highway: I could do a healthy speed, but the limit was already high and the cops were plentiful.
- The rural gamble: no matter how I get to LPU, I'm going to be on two-lane county highways. And brother, you can do a HEALTHY speed there. I usually shave off 10 minutes in the last 50 minutes alone.
The World Series: Tell them the Midwest says hi
I am not a Milwaukee Brewers fan in any way, shape, or form – while doing my time in the 414 I certainly went to a few Brewers games (markedly better experiences than the Cubs games I went to in undergrad), but they just aren't my Twins.
That said, the happiness of wisconsinites aside, I'm enjoying the hell out of things like this:
Jake Bauers gifted Pat Murphy the final out ball. Murphy thanked him and told him
— Carter Lowe (@cjlowehoops) October 29, 2026
“You’re gonna be a rich fucker. Just remember when you’re on that horse shit Yankee team and you’re all playing for yourselves….just remember this is way we used to do it”#ThisIsMyCrew pic.twitter.com/LLOeKju4VQ
Yankees fans, no doubt, are very proud of living rent-free in the heads of the Brewers manager, even the night they won the World Series. But you could, just as easily, substitute "Mets" or "Dodgers" or "Red Sox" for "Yankees", and the vibe would be the same. The MLB careens toward a lockout because skinflint owners – and I mostly root them in the Midwest, though we pause to pay all due respect (none) to the Athletics and Marlins – refuse to accept the idea that you should have to pay players and sign stars to win titles...but the Brewers and Rays certainly provided evidence that thoughtful roster construction – and, y'know, a strategy – can, in fact, win championships.
Of course, over the lifetime of baseball, the arc bends toward finance. The teams with money are going to win, and outside the deepest-pocketed or most ambitious owners (think: the Cubs, which, lmao, and the Tigers, which, lmaoooooooo), you're just not finding those payrolls in the Midwest anymore.
The Brewers won with less and now you will, goddamn, revel in the celebrations of a supposedly alien city that bases its entire identity upon a drinking problem.
There is, of course, a certain absurdity to the flyover state aesthetic of basing your whole identity on being looked over. (I have made a career out of doing this in my own field, so I'm equally absurd here.) As that map above indicates, there's also snow, predominance of German- and Scandinavian-ness, and crippling alcoholism.
But damn if there's not an enjoyability to the ways in which the Brewers – with their lower payroll, their fat hitting coach who was a terrible hitter, and the general vibe of "seven schmucks, a star-ish player, a fat first baseman, and a pitching staff that might murder you" – won the World Series.
...and awayyyyy we go.
Need a Table of Contents?
- The Top of the Article
- Thursday Night
- Friday Night
- Saturday Morning
- Saturday Afternoon
- Saturday Evening
- It's late and I'm drunk...
Thursday Night
Don't Watch This
Fort Valley State Landmarks at Miles College Kilometers [6pm, SIAC]
Troy Trojans at James Madison Dukes (-19.5, O/U 49.5) [6:30pm, ESPN2]
{NFL slop} especially because it's going to involve (1) the packers and (2) lots of Milwaukee talk
Watch That
[25] South Carolina State Bulldogs at Morgan State Bears
6pm | ESPNU | SCSU -6.5 | O/U 51.5
Florida Atlantic Owls at North Texas Mean Green
6:30pm | ESPN | UNT -13.5 | O/U 77.5!!!
One of the first things I did after that meeting let out was head back to my office – as FAU-UNT tips off, I'll be doing 20 minutes on (and I don't want to brag) a tertiary radio show on a sub-92 FM radio station. Because I hadn't eaten in 6-7 hours, an eternity for my fat ass, I proceeded to the faculty lounge to heat up chili in one of these 38oz to-go containers.
The container was full.
Thirty-eight ounces of goddamn chili, along with cheese and oyster crackers to top.
Of course, I'm midway through stirring all that in and who should walk in but my direct supervisor, an endowed chair AssDean of a college. And they're being very polite, we're talking about our weekends, etc., but they looked at my chili and cocked an eyebrow and I had to apologize for how vigorously I was stirring a way-too-large to-go vat of chili when they walked in.
I am a professional adult teaching at a large public university. It is a miracle I am not locked up somewhere.
Also, you are not reading that line wrong: neither FAU nor UNT make any pretense that they are not there to score as many possible points as possible. The Owls, under second-years in HC Zach Little and transfer QB Caden Veltkamp, just air it the fuck out – so do the Mean Green under former Troy (and West Virginia) HC Neal Brown and transfer enthusiast QB Tayven Jackson (Tennessee, Indiana, UCF).
This is optimal stuff. Tune in.
Friday Night
Don't Watch This
Tulane Green Wave (-8.5, O/U 47.5) at Charlotte 49ers [6pm, ESPN2]
[13] Harvard Crimson (-10.5, O/U 42.5) at Dartmouth Big Green [6pm, ESPNU]
Watch That
Baylor Bears at UCF Citronauts
6:30pm | ESPN | Baylor -1.5 | O/U 48.5
Kent State Golden Flashes at Sac State Hornets
9:30pm | ESPN2 | Kent -9.5 | O/U 46.5
Sacramento State has been one of the great disasters of FCS-to-FBS transitions. They are 1-7 (0-5 MAC), in which they've been outscored in conference play 183-57.
In the MAC.
That includes home losses to UMass (1-3 MAC) by 29 and Ohio (admittedly, 4-0) by 41. Their next two conference games are their final two: home against dogshit Kent tomorrow, home on short rest against 3-1 Toledo next Wednesday. Their one win has been a 52-0 home pasting of...Mississippi Valley State.
This is an abject failure.
Sacramento State has paid out $23 million for this privilege. The rest of their sports (including basketball, with Mike Bibby as coach) will be in the Big West.
This is the kind of disaster we'll read about in 10 years when the school is facing a $140 million shortfall. Can't wait.
Saturday Morning
Don't Watch This
#5 Notre Dame Fighting Irish (-30.5, O/U 56.5) at Navy Midshipmen [11am, ABC]
#19 SMU Cocaineponies (-10.5, O/U 58.5) at Syracuse Orange [11am, ESPN2]
Bowling Green Falcons at Western Michigan Broncos (-12.5, O/U 44.5) [11am, CBSSN]
Illinois Fighting Illini (-2.5, O/U 54.5) at Maryland Terrapins [11am, FS1]
UAB Blazers at South Florida Brahman Bulls (-7.5, O/U 42.5) [11am, ESPNU]
Boston College Eagles at Duke Blue Devils (-7, O/U 48.5) [11am, The CW]
Cal Golden Bears at NC State Wolfpack (-7, O/U 56.5) [11am, ACCN]
Michigan Wolverines (-14.5, O/U 45.5) at Rutgers Scarlet Knights [11:30am, BTN]
Auburn Tigers at #12 Ole Miss Rebels (-13.5, O/U 57.5) [11:45am, SECN]
Marshall Thundering Herd (-3, O/U 43.5) at Old Dominion Monarchs [12pm, ESPN+]
Watch That
#22 Arizona Wildcats at #13 Texas Tech Red Raiders
11am | ESPN | Tech -3.5 | O/U 54.5
[9] North Dakota School For Figuring Out How to Get That Racist Shit Out of the Granite, No Really, It's Tough to Figure Out at [4] Youngstown State Penguins
11am | ESPN+ | YSU -5.5 | O/U 62.5
It's impossible for me to look at the Youngstown State logo without thinking of the Kid Cuisine mascot, K.C. the Penguin:
Now, I've tried to upload that three different times in three different ways, so please just Google "KC the Penguin" and see how wildly far off I am. But the thing is, I know there was a penguin mascot that looked shockingly like the YSU one.
Was it the ICEE machine penguin? Am I going insane? Someone please help.
Saturday Afternoon
Don't Watch This
Coastal Carolina Chanticleers at Georgia State Panthers (-6, O/U 57.5) [1pm, ESPN+]
Kansas State Wildcats at Colorado Buffaloes (-1.5, O/U 47.5) [1pm, TNT]
Temple Owls at East Carolina Pirates (-5.5, O/U 50.5) [2pm, ESPN+]
LaTech Bulldogs (-5.5, O/U 58.5) at SoBama Jaguars [2pm, ESPN+]
UConn Huskies at Air Force Falcons (-1.5, O/U 51.5) [2pm, MW+]
Stanford Cardinal and Lhvl Crdnl [-22.5, O/U 60.5) [2:15pm, ACCN]
#17 Florida Gators vs. #3 Georgia Bulldogs (-12.5, O/U 55.5) [2:30pm, ABC]
Minnesota Golden Gophers at #4 Indiana Hoosiers (-20.5, O/U 41.5) [2:30pm, CBS]
Arizona State Sun Devils at #8 BYU Cougars (-16.5, O/U 48.5) [2:30pm, FOX]
#20 Northwestern Wildcats at Oregon Ducks (-3.5, O/U 47.5) [2:30pm, Le Coq]
Kansas Jayhawks at TCU Horned Frogs (-5.5, O/U 46.5) [2:30pm, FS1]
Southern Miss Golden Iggles (-3.5, O/U 56.5) at UL Monroe Warhawks [2:30pm, ESPN+]
Two Games of Equal Quality That, If You Watch Either, Should Have You Committed
University of Fort Lauderdale Eagles at Chicago State Cougars
2pm | ESPN+
Purdue Boilermakers at Penn State Nittany Lions
3:15pm | BTN | PSU -9.5 | O/U 54.5
Watch That: FCS Edition, Apparently
[20] UC Davis Aggies at [22] Weber State Wildcats
2pm | ESPN+ | Weber -1.5 | O/U 69.5
[6] South Dakota Coyotes at [5] South Dakota State Jackrabbits
3pm | ESPNU | Jacks -7.5 | O/U 53.5
Watch That: West Coast Edition, Apparently
Colorado State Rams at Utah State Aggies
2:30pm | USA | USU -6.5 | O/U 63.5
#6 Utah Utes at Cincinnati Bearcats
2:45pm | ESPN | UU -6.5 | O/U 56.5
I'm not convinced that Utah is the 6th-best team in the country, but at the same time I'm convinced that they should be ranked at LEAST fourth. My Top 10, since no one asked:
- Miami Fluoride
- Georgia
- Ohio State
- Indiana
- Utah
- UCLA
- Wake Forest
- Kentucky
- BYU
- Notre Dame
Ask me my FCS Top 10 next. I dare you.
Saturday Evening
Don't Watch This
Appalachian State Mountaineers at Georgia Southern Eagles (-5.5, O/U 56.5) [5:30pm, ESPN+]
#24 Oklahoma State Cowboys (-9, O/U 57.5) at Iowa State Cyclones [6pm, FS1]
Clemson Tigers at Florida State Seminoles (-6.5, O/U 50.5) [6pm, ACCN]
Washington State Cougars at San Diego State Aztecs (-2.5, O/U 48.5) [6pm, CBSSN]
#1 Miami Fluoride Hurricanes (-14, O/U 52.5) at UNC Tar Heels [6:30pm, ABC]
#2 Ohio State Buckeyes (-6.5, O/U 51.5) at USC Trojans [6:30pm, NBC]
Mississippi State Bulldogs at #11 Texas Longhorns (-20.5, O/U 50.5) [6:30pm, ESPN]
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets at Pittsburgh Panthers (-7.5, O/U 54.5) [6:30pm, ESPN2]
#23 Mizzou Tigers (-9.5, O/U 49.5) at Arkansas Razorbacks [6:45pm, SECN] – BATTLE LINE RIVALRY
Washington Huskies at Nebraska Cornhuskers (-7.5, O/U 49.5) [7pm, BTN]
Watch That
Army Black Knights at Memphis Tigers
7pm | ESPNU | Memphis -6 | O/U 60.5
[15] Lamar Cardinals at UT Rio Grande Valley Vaqueros
7pm | ESPN+ | Lamar -5.5 | O/U 49.5
I just took off my (shark-skin gray) jacket, by the way, because I realized I was halfway through my chili and REALLY chancing it here.
Next spoonful hit a pocket of some kind and there's chili on my sweater vest.
BULLET DODGED.
I was very skeptical of UTRGV adding football in 2025 – but, once again, I forget that Texas is a vast, mysterious, and dumb place. Thus it tickled me to learn that the Vaqueros are selling out everything at their stadium in Edinburg, to the point that they've added another 1,500 seats in the south end zone, bringing them to 13,500.
And the Vaqs...well, the Vaqs aren't half-bad!
Well, I guess that's not totally true – as they're 4-4 (2-3 Southland), they're almost by definition "half bad". But in a conference currently loaded with FCS #2 Stephen F. Austin and #15 Lamar, half-bad is more than half-good. The artists formerly (partially) known as UT-Pan Am (go Broncs) have only lost to FBS UTSA and Johnny-come-lately powerhouse Incarnate Word by more than one score, and they'll take on a vulnerable Lamar club (the Cards like to get into shootouts) with a chance to set their season on a course for a Top 3 conference finish.
"Watch weird football in dumb places on ridiculous channels" is DWT;WT's guiding light – and, in honor of the Northwestern basketball game AT UT-Pan Am that I watched on someone's grainy laptop stream back in 2010 when Northwestern played its second in a three-game two-for-one at Edinburg. It brought me down a rabbit hole that involved a Rodger Sherman preview of the game, a game thread with the link to the UTPA stream called Broncs Live, and the recap of the 77-71 win – the latter of which included notes about how the web stream was "functioning" (an upgrade over the alluded-to OwlVision, a stream of the 2010 Northwestern-at-Rice football game that was unwatchable).
That recap also reminded me of the tiny white "power forward" the Broncs had who tormented Northwestern's at-the-time go-to choice in center, Luka Mirkovic, who was part of a string of "tall Eastern European centers who could hit threes and could not defend for jack shit" (lest you think you're originally, Illini fans, Carmody did it first). I decided, out of curiosity, to see what had become of that power forward: he is from the same town as Nick Martinelli, and he now is in Colombia posting thirst traps of himself on Facebook alternating with what are possibly multi-level marketing scams and vaguely party-boy content.
This article is never not a journey.
It's late and I'm drunk...
Don't Watch This
Northern Illinois Huskies at UNLV Rebels (-24.5, O/U 54.5) [9:30pm, CBSSN]
Texas State Bobcats at #20 Boise State Broncos (-11.5, O/U 64.5) [9pm, The CW]
Watch That
Oregon State Beavers at Fresno State Bulldogs
10pm | USA | OSU -5.5 | O/U 57.5
Oregon State is the team coming in at #11 in my Top 25 rankings, just in case you were curious. LONG LIVE JESSE LEGREE.
Anyway, a reminder:
Three more in the D-II/D-III world on Flo if you would've planned ahead and/or consulted your hymnals. But there's only so much sickness a person can take, I suppose.
— MNWildcat (@mn-wildcat.bsky.social) 2026-10-25T03:45:08.203Z
A real sicko is never truly out of options if they know where to look. Anything less is just a marketing scheme.
Hop Back Up to the Goodies
- The Very Top of the Article
- Thursday Night
- Friday Night
- Saturday Morning
- Saturday Afternoon
- Saturday Evening
- It's late and I'm drunk...
Enjoy the games, everybody. I made the drive in 3:09.
