Welcome. College football season is upon us.
This is Don't Watch This; Watch That: College Football's Only* Watch Guide.
*with a semicolon
The Basics: Why this article?
The conceit here is simple: there is a lot of schlock on TV. Some of that is daytime talk shows, and much of that is Shoutin' Buddies on ESPN, but some of that--yes, just some of that--is college football.
There are two kinds of college football games: those you should watch, and those you should not watch. I would like to help you discern which game is which. This article* will do just that.
*You might notice similarities between this article and one published in the past at Sports Blog Nation dot com. As I do not intend to spend time disparaging the management of that network, I merely wish here to warn this column's five prospective readers that it may occasionally contain satirical and/or outright false information. Rest assured, though: Off Tackle Republic has put me through the heaviest forms possible of both vetting and petting. (AlmaOtter informed me the latter was both necessary and totally normal; after all, I wanna be a star, don't I?) [I am being told by my lawyer that I do not have to refute these allegations here and that my best legal defense is to not speak.- AlmaOtter]
The biggest thing to know about this article is that "must watch" games; those are, games that receive the coveted "Watch That" designation, are often not those games featured on College Gameday or B1G FOX N00D Saturday, those games featuring two Top 10 teams or the all-important Playoff Implications, or those games You, Personally most care about.
Instead, "Watch That" games matter – not for some ethereal idea of Winning Championships, but for those things that make college football enjoyable: they will be played in weird places, at weird times, on weird challenges, but they will have the kinds of importance that matter to college football fans. Bragging rights will be on the line. Point totals will be outlandishly high and outlandishly low. Silly rivalry trophies and/or local sponsorships will be on display.
Hawai'i-Wyoming games fit approximately six of those designations, and I'm not sure I even listed six designations there.
The point is: learn where PlutoTV and NEC Front Row are on your smart TV. Make sure you've clarified how you can watch Hawai'i football on the mainland versus on the islands. Remember that we all hate Team1Sports but God, does it hit differently at 12:30am.
And never forget: fuck wisconsin.
So...now you tell us about the games?
You sweet summer child.
First, I attempt to educate or amuse you with something else – this could be a historically-themed website, an interactive graphic, a historical story you might not have known, or a take so mind-meltingly good you'll shed a single tear at your desk and be forever changed.
This week's task was always going to be impossible. There's nothing profound I have to say in the wake of my ejection from The Old Place – I had run out of enthusiasm there, and I don't know that, after a summer which saw a job change and work trips to something like eight different states, I have anything notably sharp to offer you.
What I know, though, is that Barack Obama is a goddamn liar.
[Ed. note: that's right. This prick is leading off his first article at The New Place with something Politics-Adjacent. What a colossal fucking asshole.]
Now, about ten of you nodded your heads in agreement – finally, MNW is untethered from the Liberal Bias of Big Vox Media! – and another fifty of you also nodded your heads in agreement – finally, someone with the encouragement to take on the Corporate Democrats! – and to all of you, I say take a deep fucking breath and go for a walk.
The point is: I am tired of Important People lying about the books they read.
The former president is beginning a podcast – part of the important task of Saving Our Democracy and also attracting people to your ugly, under-accessible new presidential library – about "the books that shaped me":
Along with the Morrison [Song of Solomon] and le Carre [Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy], Obama has chosen The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin, All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy, Gilead by Marilynne Robinson, and All the King's Men by Robert Penn Warren.
“Great books have always helped me figure out who I am and what I believe,” said Obama. “The six books featured in this series have stayed with me throughout my life, and each one has something to teach us about the human experience. [The Guardian]
Bulllllllllllll. Shiiiiiiiiiit.
Look, it's entirely possible he read those books. AP Lit exists, freshman seminars in college exist, whatever. Odds are good he's read a couple of them.
But God, am I tired of the elite-curated lie that the six books that made the most profound impact on every Important Person in the world just happen to be six critically-acclaimed, globally-known books. It's a leap, for one, that (1) a man who was the most powerful individual in the world and (2) has spent most of his retirement doing similarly-cringey documentaries and podcasts could sit down and rattle off those six books. I doubt even someone like the former president, who certainly is more erudite than your average post-World War II president, is sitting down and rattling those off, even upon reflection.
What I know, though, is that
Barack Obama is a goddamn liar.
Just be honest: you really enjoyed the new Elin Hilderbrand beach read, fell into the Jon Meachem civil discourse trap, or thought Killing Genghis Khan was really good.
(I don't know if O'Reilly's written that one yet, but rest assured when he does that my father-in-law is going to buy copies for the whole goddamn family.)
Look. People are idiots. We are uncultured swine.
And you're not rescuing democracy or elevating our discourse by doing a hasty re-read of All the King's Men, making up a story about how it "really spoke to you" during your time in college, and talking some other Famous Person––who will have been fed talking points about it by their handlers––about it on a set that cost more than my house, interspersed with ads for Audible or Vajazzle or whatever other data Spotify has mined from me.
TO THAT END: Here are the five titles of books that have actually impacted my life in some way, along with one question I would ask their author.
A Great(?) Book, with MNWildcat
Poland, by James Michener
Contention #1: we Men of a Certain Age all read historical fiction schlock.
I, someone who––and do with this what you will––has a PhD in history, absolutely love this shit. LOVE it.
Poland, you uncultured swine, is a thousand-year "history" of the Vistula region of Poland, told through the lens of three families: the noble Lubonskis, the petty gentry Bukowskis, and the peasant Buks. Beginning with a set of Cold War-era negotiations between a good-natured peasant farmer (a Buk) and the Communist Minister of Agriculture (a Bukowski), who happen to be distantly related, sets the scene for the importance of this region and the deep familial and historical ties that run throughout the region.
From that meeting, the novel flashes back 700 years and begins the march to the present: the invasions of Mongols, Teutonic Knights, Swedes, Ottomans, Russians, and Nazis; the palace intrigues of the Lubonskis and Bukowskis; the efforts of the Buks––and many of the noblewomen married to the former two families, long suffering their husbands' incompetence and stewarding local arts and religion––to merely survive.
Why this book? I don't know. It stuck with me from a young age (I first read it when I was about 15, perhaps because I had just kind of started to care about my 1/8 Polish heritage? who knows).
I brought this book on my honeymoon. I read it on the beaches of Sint Maarten. I am on my second copy of it because I sufficiently wore out the first.
I plan to re-read it this fall.
My question for James Michener: why did Alaska and Texas suck so much, if this book was such a banger?
East of Eden, by John Steinbeck
OH THERE HE GOES, THE BIG COLLEGE-EDUCATED ELITE–
...I read this book when I was 17 in AP Literature, and I haven't read it since.
But I remember that Cathy Ames was a goddamn freak, and me and my high school friends absolutely spammed the "Timshel" button when we were trying to goad one another into doing something stupid.
Also there was an allegory in there. Something about Cain and Abel.
It was, though, one of those books that stuck with me even though I was an idiot 17-year-old: the vivid description of not just Steinbeck's Salinas Valley, but Kate's horrific life as a madam, Aron's death in World War I, and how Lee served as a moral voice throughout the work.
I would read it again, but who's got the time? (I do. To read Poland. Not shit that makes me think...)
Also: Netflix has a miniseries of this coming out with Florence Pugh playing Cathy Ames. You might just have to send me to Horny Jail for the rest of my life.
My question for James Steinbeck: Be honest. Cathy Ames: wouldja?
America: The Book (Teacher's Edition)
This is the kind of immature humor that both tickled me as a teen but also actually got me thinking more deeply about civics.
Is that silly? SURE! Are there photoshopped naked pictures of the Supreme Court justices in the middle? OF COURSE!
But when I teach students about various congressional committees, I still, in the back of my head, see the page talking about the Itty-Bitty Titty Committee. And I snicker. Because I am a bad person.
My question for Jon Stewart and/or the writers: which nude Justice most turned you on, and why can you not explain that it was Scalia?
Front Porch Politics, by Michael Stewart Foley
OK, one history book. This one's a pretty simple premise – what characterized the grassroots politics of the 1970s and 1980s was not a retreat from activism but a shift to the "front porch": political concerns with a more personal flair, from the environmental politics of Love Canal to the Farm Crisis politics of the 1970s American Agricultural Movement tractorcades.
It was evidence for my own dissertation-turned-book––yes, I wrote a real book, you'll get tired of hearing about that––that (1) there were more stories to be told about this and (2) the politics were even more durable and nationally-impactful than Foley argued, but (3) at its crux, this was how to tell a good story.
So, Mike, thanks. See you around.
Open: An Autobiography, by Andre Agassi
This book had no business being good – and maybe it wasn't! But as a teen tennis player, there was something so honest and refreshing about this sports autobiography that stuck with me that I actually found myself returning to it in my late 20s, just for a re-read.
Because man, did that motherfucker dislike tennis.
It's an interesting look into a game that Agassi excelled at but ran from, one he was pushed into by his father, who he resented and loved all in that complicated bundle of humanity.
Shit, Agassi even admits he did crystal meth, then lied about it!
Teenage me loved the shot-by-shot, rally-by-rally recounts of Agassi at the major tournaments; read with horror the bizarre coaches like Nick Bollettieri––who I've met; he's an asshole––or Gil and his Gil Water that inserted the phrase "pissed pure cottony white" into my vocabulary, or Brad Gilbert asking for a six-pack of Bud Ice at a nice dinner in Florida; stuck around for the relationships Agassi forged, from his rivalry-in-misery with Pete Sampras to his relationships from Brooke Shields to Steffi Graf. There's an account about his wig coming undone at a major tournament. It's phenomenal.
It's sports, but it's not. And man, is that nice.
My question for Andre Agassi: why have you sullied all this with a pickleball career?
Honorable Mentions
Some other books or genres that deserve love, because they impacted me in weird ways that I'm probably still dealing with in therapy:
- War of the Words: The Gulf War Quote by Quote, by Wes Janz and Vicki Abrahamson – I found this at a garage sale when I was like, 11 and didn't know what the Gulf War was, but I read it cover-to-cover about a thousand times. Told in a calendar-style format, it included quotes from each day, including one about "nuk[ing] Baghdad to glass, wip[ing] it with Windex, [tying] fatback to our feet, and go[ing] skating" and another saying the US could shoot its missiles from the Gulf, aim them for RFK stadium, and have a better field goal percentage than Chip Lohmiller. I did not know who Chip Lohmiller was, but I found that endlessly amusing.
- Anything by Matt Christopher. I reveled in the blow-by-blow accounts of kids' sporting events and tried to re-enact them in my yard. It helped with the whole "not having friends" thing.
- The Complete Far Side. Gary Larsen is a genius.
- All the Harry Potter books, which I read cover-to-cover dozens of times and, in the case of the final few, stood in line to get on opening day, then pulled all-nighters to read. Fuck JK Rowling with an oversized copy of each book.
TIME FOR THE GAMES!
Thursday Evening
Don't Watch This
Maine Black Bears at Towson Tigers (-3, O/U 43.5) [5pm, Flo]
Mercyhurst Lakers at [9] Youngstown State Penguins (-27.5, O/U 54.5) [5pm, ESPN+]
EIU Panthers at Murray State Racers (-3, O/U 52.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
Lafayette Leopards (-9.5, O/U 51.5) at Georgetown Hoyas [6pm, ESPN+]
Gardner-Webb Runnin' Bulldogs at [18] Let's Go Peay (-14.5, O/U 58.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
Charleston Southern Expensive Corn at Lindenwood Lions (-10.5, O/U 47.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
Chattanooga Mocs (-2.5, O/U 52.5) at West Georgia Wolves [6pm, ESPN+]
Northwestern (IA) Fightin' Dutchmen at Western Illinois Leathernecks [6pm, ESPN+]
Houston Christian Baptizin' Huskies at [20] SE Louisiana Lions (-24.5, O/U 51.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils at Nicholls Colonels (-29.5, O/U 52.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
[16] Southern Illinois Salukis (-21, O/U 55.5) at West Florida Argonauts [6pm, ESPN+]
South Dakota Mines Hardrockers at Drake Bulldogs [6:30pm, ESPN+]
Long Island Sharks at [10] North Dakota Fighting Hawks (-27.5, O/U 48.5) [7pm, ESPN+]
Watch That
Stony Brook Seawolves at Delaware State Hornets
5pm | MEAC Sports Network | Stony Brook -6 | O/U 50.5
Central Arkansas Bears at [22] UT-Martin Skyhawks
6:30pm | ESPN+ | UTM -3 | O/U 52.5
[1] Ferris State Bulldogs at [5] Pittsburg State Gorillas
7pm | MIAAtv
A brief note: unless relevant, I have not included mixed-class games; i.e., an FCS team hosting a D-II team. Sorry. There's just too much to do and, as of writing this, we're already over 2,400 words.
Matt Brown once told me that this should be two different articles: one on whatever batshit insane stuff I wanted to write about, then one on the games. Well, Matt: (1) congratulations on your actually-successful-and-really-enjoyable blog, and (2) I tried doing standalone inanity about getting my groin felt up repeatedly by TSA and got fired a week later. WHO'S THE IDIOT NOW.
Best of luck to Wingate and UNC Pembroke in the Battle for I-74 – we at Don't Watch This; Watch That love a good rivalry game.
BUT.
BUT.
Ladies and gentlemen, we get a TOP 5 MATCHUP ON THE FIRST NIGHT OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL.
That's a rare bird.
Let's enjoy some D-II football, as reigning national champions Ferris State head to Pittsburg, Kansas, for a showdown with the #5 Gorillas. Let's fire up the Mid-America Intercollegiate Athletics Conference online stream.
Let's watch some goddamn football.
Friday Evening
Don't Watch This
[8] Rhode Island Rams (-20.5, O/U 53.5) at Merrimack Warriors [5pm, ESPN+]
Colgate Raiders (-10, O/U 50.5) at Fordham Rams [5pm, ESPN+]
Bill & Mary Tribe at [7] Villanova Wildcats (-10.5, O/U 50.5) [5pm, ESPN+]
New Hampshire Wildcats (-11.5, O/U 45.5) at Albany Great Danes [6pm, Flo]
Watch That
Marist Red Foxes at New Haven Chargers
5pm | NEC Front Row | Marist -1.5 | O/U 43.5
It's here that I regret to provide my yearly update: the Paint Bucket Bowl is dead.
What had characterized our breathless coverage at The Old Place – the Paint Bucket Bowl, featuring a pair of North Dakota schools on I-94, the Jamestown Jimmies and Valley City State Vikings – is no longer. Jamestown moved up to D-II, and the rivalry is dormat, as the Vikings remain back in the NAIA, with just a 38-7 drubbing of the Jimmies in their farewell game.
We've reached out to Valley City State for comment –no, really, I'm going to finally try being a journalist: fuck you, Mailman– and...
...you guys aren't gonna believe this.
I got a response.
Less than nine hours after sending this from an anonymous email address with only a brief explanation of my interest, the SID for Valley City State sent an incredibly polite and detailed reply:
The chances of the Pain[t] Bucket game coming back is a possibility, but its would not be for at least two more years. So we would have to wait and see.
The local radio station provides video streaming services when they broadcast our games, but in the even they cannot, we stream the games and try and get a student worker to do the play-by-play. If non is available, I step in and do it. I have 40 years experience in the broadcast industry.
Two things I want y'all to understand here:
- Thank you, Paul McDonald. You're awesome, and
- That's more journalism than I did in ten-plus years at Off Tackle Empire.
It's late and I'm drunk (Friday edition)...
Don't Watch This
Weber State Wildcats at Northern Colorado Bears (-3.5, O/U 48.5) [8pm, ESPN+]
Watch That
Idaho Vandals at Cal Poly Mustangs
9pm | ESPN+ | Idaho -3.5 | O/U 55.5
Vandals-Ponies would be three times more watchable if it were in Moscow.
Actually, someone remind me – there's an idea for a future DWT;WT.
I regret to inform you: DWT;WT polls are, likely, dead – at least for the foreseeable future.
See, a few things inform this: (1) I'm no longer getting a beer money pittance from SBNation, meaning what do any of us care; (2) it's through a third-party poll embedder, which just seems like a lot to learn given the aforementioned "labor of love"; and (3) this article is currently 3,437 words and I don't need more time-consuming stuff.
Those are words I wrote when I first drafted this. Then, IU in VA left this comment on the daily thread, which tickled and/or stroked my ego so delicately that I went and figured out how to do polls. This stupid, stupid article.
Also, as I am editing this in at 10:22am CT on Wednesday morning, I'd like you to know a couple things:
- I realize there's no college volleyball in this article, and that'd probably be a sensible addition, given that – for example – #14 Minnesota plays #12 Arizona State at 9pm on FOX (national TV!!!) and #6 wisconsin facies #5 Stanford on ESPN2 (sure, national TV) on Friday night. Or maybe that #16 Indiana faces #7 Lhvl on ACCNX at 6pm, same time as #9 Purdue tips off against #13 Creighton on FOX (national TV!!!). It's because...
- With the addition of that bullet point above – and now this aside – we are officially at 5400 words.
Saturday Morning
Don't Watch This
EPL soccer, probably – no point, since West Ham was so good they didn't get invited back for this season, for some reason
Watch That
North Carolina Tar Heels vs. TCU Horned Frogs
11am | ESPN | TCU -7.5 | O/U 47.5 | Dublin, IE
There wasn't too much novel to say about this one –Belichick's cooked, TCU's whatever– until TCU decided to go ahead and cause an international incident:
LMAO TCU doesn’t recognize Northern Ireland pic.twitter.com/SosajUnFSJ
— ThrowBackFrog (@ThrowBackFrog) August 20, 2026
I genuinely don't know how people are still this ignorant about that or how this makes it through multiple levels of an athletics department without anyone saying anything.
That's it, that's the only game of Saturday morni––
[/record scratch]
Roosevelt Lakers at Chicago State Cougars
11am | ???
Look. Should Chicago State have a football team? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Should they be playing their games in SeatGeek Stadium, fully 21 miles from campus in an already-inaccessible part of Chicagoland? OF COURSE NOT!
Am I going to watch every CSU football game I possibly can this season? YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS.
Unfortunately, no games are listed as streaming right now, even on NEC Front Row, home of the Northeast Conference, which is Chicago State's athletics home.
I haven't reached out to their SID for info, but I see Matt Brown's trying to get credentialed for Extra Points, so we'll report more when we know.
Opponents on the Cougars' 2026 schedule include D-II Roosevelt (a Chicago-based school that plays football at the former campus of Robert Morris-Illinois), NAIA Kentucky Christian, NCCAA Virginia University-Lynchburg, and –for Homecoming!– the NCCAA's University of Fort Lauderdale.
I bet the Cougars can steal at least a couple of those.
Saturday Afternoon
Don't Watch This
San Jose State Spartans at #14 USC Trojans (-38.5, O/U 60.5) [2pm, NBC]
Central Connecticut Blue Devils at [12] South Dakota Coyotes (-22.5, O/U 53.5) [1pm, ESPN+]
[6] UC Davis Aggies (-24.5, O/U 62.5) at Portland State Vikings [2pm, ESPN+]
Southern Jaguars at Alabama State Hornets (-19.5, O/U 56.5) [2pm, ESPNU]
[11] Lehigh Mountain Hawks (-14, O/U 47.5) at Holy Cross Crusaders [2:30pm, ESPN+]
Eastern Washington Eagles at [24] Northern Arizona Lumberjacks (-3, O/U 56.5) [4pm, ESPN+]
Campbell Fightin' Camels at East Tennessee State Expensive Corn (-7, O/U 55.5) [4:30pm, ESPN+]
Watch That
NC State Wolfpack at Virginia Cavaliers
2:30pm | ESPN | UVA -5.5 | O/U 53.5
Jacksonville State Gamecocks at North Dakota State Too-Cowardly-to-Play-Them-Jackrabbits-Ran-Off-to-FBS-Ass Bizon
4:30pm | CBSSN | NDSU -7 | O/U 46.5
I have decided THIS will be in section in which I offer you anything approaching a football take – originally the only "Watch That" in this section was J'ville State-NDSU. I do not trust NC State-Virginia to offer us anything, even though the vague vibes I remember about UVA football are "This game is going to come down to a scattered two-minute drill featuring at least three fumbles and a court-storming." The point is, the ACC should've gone on with the plans to play this game in Brazil, even though the company supposedly putting it on was likely a scam that Jim Phillips had fallen for and no one that UVA had ever thought to fact-check until, y'know, June.
Once we get over the formalities of the non-conference schedule, every game NDSU plays in the Mountain West is going to offer something that tickles me. To wit, their schedule:
- at Air Force: different approaches to "run the damn ball"
- Wyoming: this game should end 9-6 and will likely, instead, end 38-36 on a missed field goal
- at UNLV: Dan Mullen thinks his teams are like NDSU in terms of toughness and goes on tilt against the Bizon's stiff-upper-lippedness
- Nevada: OK, so there's one that doesn't tickle me
- at New Mexico: genuinely, I could see this being an MWC title game preview
- UTEP: OK, so there's another that doesn't tickle me
- at Hawai'i: I mean come on this is on at 10pm CT on The C-fucking-W – I don't know that any game ever has been more tailor-made for Don't Watch This; Watch That
- Northern Illinois: look, nothing can replace the Bronze Stalk, but given enough time, this game will do its best to try
- at San Jose State: Coach Ken doesn't actually have the horses to stop the Bizon running attack, but goddamn, he's got the undersized wide receivers to outscore them [technically this is a non-conference game]
That's a rough Year 1 road schedule for the Bizon, who could go 4-4 in conference and be a pretty damn good team.
Saturday Evening
Don't Watch This
Sac State Hornets at EMU Eagles (-10, O/U 52.5) [5:30pm, ESPN+]
New Mexico State Aggies at Florida State Seminoles (-30.5, O/U 52.5) [6pm, The CW]
Morgan State Bears (-8.5, O/U 50.5) at NC A&T Aggies [5pm, Flo]
Bryant Bulldogs (-4.5, O/U 44.5) at Stonehill Skyhawks [5pm, NEC Front Row]
SEMO State RedHawks at Indiana State Sycamores (-2.5, O/U 52.5) [5pm, ESPN+]
Bucknell Bison at Richmond Spiders (-10.5, O/U 49.5) [5pm, ESPN+]
VMI Traitor-Trainers at Idaho State Bengals (-34.5, O/U 60.5) [5pm, ESPN+]
The Citadel Traitor-Trainers at Wofford Terriers (-8.5, O/U 45.5) [5pm, ESPN+]
NC Central Eagles (-11.5, O/U 51.5) at Texas Southern Tigers [6pm, who knows]
Eastern Kentucky Colonels at Western Carolina Catamounts (-4.5, O/U 50.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
Samford Bulldogs at North Alabama Lions (-7.5, O/U 55.5) [6pm, ESPN+]
[13] Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks (-13.5, O/U 49.5) at McNeese State Cowboys [6pm, ESPN+]
Stetson Hatters at [3] South Dakota State Jackrabbits (-47.5, O/U 56.5) [6pm, ?]
East Texas A&M Lions at [17] Mercer Bears (-23.5, O/U 60.5) [6pm, ESPN]
Alabama A&M Bulldogs at Howard Bison (-2.5, O/U 46.5) [6:30pm, ABC]
Jackson State Tigers at Tennessee State Tigers [7:30pm, ESPN+]
Technically Could Be Good
[23] Monmouth Hawks at [15] Tennessee Tech Golden Iggles
6pm | ESPN+ | TTU -8.5 | O/U 58.5
[14] Abilene Christian Wildcats at [21] Lamar Cardinals
6pm | ESPN+ | ACU -7.5 | O/U 49.5
Watch That
Hawai'i Rainbow Warriors at Stanford Cardinal
6pm | ACCN | Stanford -4 | O/U 48.5
There's also something that tickles me about lines like South Dakota State's: them Jackrabbits are 47.5-point favorites over Stetson (a non-scholarship FCS team) with a 56.5 total – something like a 53-3 win is the expectation in Brookings. The line on your average VMI football or basketball event, on the other hand, really gives you a window into why the South lost the war.
Miami might be BACK and Florida might be in the muck of it, but Spurrier's still got it:
Coach still got his fastball
— AndreTheGiant (@andrewvouvalis.bsky.social) August 25, 2026 at 9:19 PM
[image or embed]
That post also made me realize that I could not name the new HC at Florida, and I am really, really thankful for that. It's a blissful ignorance and better use of brain space to have looked at a coworker's pen, see "Ohio Northern" on it, asked her if she was a Polar Bear, then watched her brain melt.
Of course, this is all about one game: Hawai'i-Stanford. There will be points, if Timmy Chang & Co. have anything to say about it. Who? Bows QB Micah Alejado. How? Don't worry about it. When? TOO EARLY FOR MY TASTE.
We'll see if a hot afternoon in Palo Alto can slow down Hawai'i. I cannot wait.
It's late and I'm drunk...
Don't Watch This
Southern Utah Thunderbirds at [2] Montana Grizzlies (-16.5, O/U 58.5) [8pm, ESPN+]
Prairie View A&M Panthers at [5] Tarleton State Texans (-21.5, O/U 54.5) [8pm, ESPN2]
[1] Montana State Bobcats (-31.5, O/U 56.5) at Utah Tech Trailblazers [9pm, ESPN+]
Watch That
Memphis Tigers at UNLV Rebels
9pm | FOX | UNLV -4.5 | O/U 56.5
If we can't have a Hawai'i game against an FBS team, Memphis-UNLV on FOX might be pretty close to as perfect a "DWT meets the viewing public" crossover game as we can get.
I'm excited about Charles Huff taking the reins at Memphis – not only is he a pretty proven program-builder at this point, with success at both Marshall and Southern Miss, but he appears to be leaning into the insanity that is Memphis football. Huff hired OC Kevin Decker away from Old Dominion, where Decker ran a wide-split spread offense that goes faaaaast – that'll unleash EITHER (Huff's not saying which of) Air Noland, formerly of Ohio State, or Marcus Stokes, a West Florida dual-threat transfer. Add to that Huff's recruiting ability and baby, you've got yourself a vibe in Memphis:
Anyway, now that I spend a good amount of time driving to work on two-lane country highways, I've regained my appreciation for a couple things. First, the different smells of shit: cow (good! nostalgic!), pig (disgusting! awful!), and poultry (death! kill me!). Second, the various kinds of turns and driving faux pas in rural America: the rural left, of course, where you move your car info the oncoming lane so people can pass you. But distinguishing between the kinds of people who are going to piss me off by turning out into traffic in front of me is amusing:
- there's the "oh, buddy, that truck just doesn't have the giddyup anymore" right, where that 1988 Chevy S-10 is just chugging along;
- there's the "what could you possibly be late for?" turn, in which an overly armored crossover or Buick sedan turns out in front of you with no regard for what the speed of traffic had been, and they'll look sorrowfully at your and vow to pray for you at the Bible study and/or Benjamin Franklin I assume they're all off to;
- and there's the "hell yeah, let's get weird" turn where a good ol' boy runs the stop sign and whips out into traffic way too close in front of you for comfort in a rusted out 2001 F150. That dip-stained motherfucker, who I passed this morning, will do 72 in a 60 for as long as that tin tub possibly can, and when you pass him because you're doing 76, there's a mod of recognition where he pegs you as a dastardly Metro elite but at least you're committed to getting from Point A to Point B.
I'll buy you a Mich Golden Light when you catch up to me at the City Limit Lounge in Sleepy Eye, brother.
This is the longest DWT;WT I've ever written. Here's to new beginnings.
Thanks for reading Don't Watch This; Watch That – enjoy the games.