Morning, all. With all due and undue apologies to the Boilerbot hivemind, the countdown continues. 9 days to football. Let's hit a few links, shall we?
Akron reveals nine finalists for “Offensive Coordinator of the Game” promotion
Content creators, Akron alumni, and outsider college football fans all got the unique call.
J.H. Jimenez
Central Michigan counting on deep defensive rotations to live up to lofty standard
The Chippewas will be bringing back just four players who started in any capacity on defense in 2025, but feel good about their ability to come at opponents in waves.
Andrew Graham
Private jet donors, REVEALED
You’re gonna love who Mizzou has on speed dial.
David Covucci
TIME TO VOTE - 2026 Sickos Committee Preseason Poll Explainer
Sickos Committee
Man Doesn’t Like Who He Becomes When He’s Around Salsa
ST. LOUIS—Tearfully admitting that the lifelong problem had finally reached a breaking point, local man Darren Moore told reporters Tuesday that he doesn’t like who he becomes when he’s around salsa. “There’s something about when a bowl of salsa hits the table…I become…different…” said Moore, adding that even on nights when he’d try to just […]
The Onion Staff
^same, buddy. same.
Big boy szn approaching
— summer enthusiast (@tacoenthusiast.swifties.social) August 19, 2026 at 9:01 PM
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