What Games are on Tap This Weekend?
And what grievances do you have about each of them?
If I were a character in Pixar's Inside Out, the mood behind the controls in my mental cockpit this past week would've been Grumpy. This, in part, explains the absence of this column last week. I'd fully intended to turn out an installment, but the universe had other plans, and decided that what I needed was a heaping helping of "fuck you." Nothing serious, thankfully, and probably nothing I'll even remember a couple of weeks from now, but enough to be generally off-putting, nevertheless.
Ordinarily, of course, we could take solace in football, cheering our respective teams on as the skies get grayer, and night falls a little sooner each evening. But good cheer doesn't fit with this week's theme, so out the window with that. Instead, I'm going to offer a quick summary of what's liable to annoy me about each of this upcoming weekend's Big Ten games. All of this week's contests are on Saturday, which I suppose is grievance #1: no crappy Big Ten football to entertain us on Friday night.
Rutgers @ #1 Ohio State (noon, FOX [BIG NOOD!]), OSU - 31.5
Really, Fox? You looked at Saturday's slate of games, and thought "This is the one we must feature!" Then again, maybe it's not an awful choice, given that it's Chickenshit Saturday for most of the S.E.C. This game will likely annoy me because I'm expecting Greg Schiano to attempt approximately 37 trick plays during this game in the hope of covering the spread, rather than holding some of them back to use in a game that Rutgers might actually win.
Minnesota "@" Northwestern [Wrigley Field] (noon, BTN), NU - 3.5
If I were going to be watching this game, I'd be grumpy about the fact that terrible camera angles would probably prevent me from seeing several plays. This is because, to repeat a fact that seems to have escaped the attention of the leadership of Northwestern's athletic department, Wrigley Field is not a football stadium. But honestly, this barely merits a "1" on the annoyance scale, since I likely won't watch a single snap (because see above).
#15 U.S.C. @ #7 Oregon (3:30 pm, CBS), Oregon - 9.5
Honestly, there's not a ton to be irritable about here, since this figures to be the best game of the entire Big Ten slate this weekend, and no matter what happens, one annoying coach is going to lose. But that also means that another annoying coach is going to win. Maybe we can be grumpy about that?
Michigan State @ Iowa (3:30 pm, FS1), Iowa - 16.5
In some years, 16.5 would be an intriguing over/under for this matchup. The Sickos potential would be off the charts. But I think we're going to be robbed of that this year, as this one feels like a game where Iowa just slowly and methodically crushes MSU into a fine paste. It annoys me that this isn't shaping up to be the classic Legends Division rivalry that it was from 2011 to 2013.
#18 Michigan @ Maryland (4:00 pm, BTN), Michigan - 13.5
I'm incredibly annoyed about this one, because I am expecting Michigan to again bumblefuck around for four quarters before barely dispatching a clearly inferior opponent. Why would watching Michigan play like shit annoy an Ohio State fan? Because next weekend, they're going to morph into a hybrid of the 1985 Chicago Bears and the 1999 St. Louis Rams when they play us.
Nebraska @ Penn State (7:00 pm, NBC), Penn State - 8.5
Ethan Grunkemeyer vs. T.J. Lateef just doesn't have the same juice as Drew Allar vs. Dylan Raiola would have. You always hate to see injuries, and it's a shame that the Nittany Lions and Cornhuskers have both lost their starting quarterbacks for the season.
#21 Illinois @ Wisconsin (7:30 pm, BTN), Illinois - 7.5
I'm disappointed that Bret Bielema and the Illini are somehow only a 7.5-point favorite against his former team. What does Las Vegas know that I don't?
Washington @ UCLA (10:30 pm, NBC), Washington - 10.5
Why would I be grumpy about this one? Because it's another opportunity for one of Ohio State's best wins this season to lose to another shitty team on the road. If Washington can drop a road game to this year's Wisconsin team, they're certainly capable of gagging one up against the Bruins.
Negativity can be cathartic. Let the disgust flow through you. What annoys you the most about this weekend's Big Ten slate? Share your irritation in the comments!
