I Don't Care If I Ever Get Back: B1G Softball Tournament Championship!
Bears v Corn!
Here we are. Just days since Michigan (ugh) won the title and the sports well has run dry. Yes, there's the last gasp of the NBA and whatever is going on in the NHL, but the Bulls and Blackhawks are shite and I just don't have the patience for that anymore.
For some of you, it's probably a good time to check in with your friends and loved ones and make amends for the way you spent your degenerate basketball-filled March. You know who you are!
Enjoy the weekend, all.
An Uzbek Chess Prodigy Is Laying Waste To The World’s Best Players | Defector
While Hikaru Nakamura was making an ignoble sort of chess history, Javokhir Sindarov yawned. Just 12 moves into their fifth-round match at the 2026 Candidates Tournament, the 20-year-old had tied the world’s second-ranked player in quite the knot, forcing Nakamura to sit and think for over an hour. Nakamura, playing with the white pieces, attacked…
Patrick Redford
Belt Bag: April 9, 2026
We opened up the mailbox and saw some inquiries, time to answer them!
J.H. Jimenez
The Trump Administration Is Killing The U.S. Forest Service So It Can Also Kill U.S. Forests | Defector
When you cross into National Forest land, you are greeted with a sign boasting that you are entering into a “Land of Many Uses.” This proclamation hints at a mild contradiction within the U.S. Forest Service’s management of the forestland covering over a third of the United States. Since its inception over a century ago,…
Patrick Redford
Arby’s Reclassifies Their Food As Entertainment
ATLANTA—In a move widely interpreted as an effort to exempt its offerings from health and safety standards, American chain restaurant Arby’s issued a statement Tuesday reclassifying its food as entertainment. “Whether it’s our Classic Beef ’N Cheddar, our Chicken Cordon Bleu, or our famous Jamocha Shake, the menu items at Arby’s are not meant to be […]
The Onion Staff
How much money does your school’s mascot make?
Appearance income from famous fuzzy figures.
David Covucci
