It's hard to imagine after living through the Bad Old Days of late-stage Ron Zook, the Tim Beckman debacle (never forget that he beat current-Senator and forever-idiot Tommy Tuberville in 2013), the Bill Cubit interregnum, and the Love Smith depths-plumbing, but Bret Bielema has the Illini playing at a sustainable and consistent Not Hot Dookie status. 23-22 in-conference for the last five seasons. Do you know how long it's been since the Illini have been above .500 in the B1G for a 5 year stretch? It's been longer than I've been alive and my beard is (prematurely) gray.
Wait, this is suppose to be a short intro blurb? Anyways, Bielema has the team doing things not seen since the 1980s. And it looks like the dream of Don't Embarrass Us might extend into 2026. Let's dig into the schedule.
Schedule
Predictions
Thumpasaurus: We're definitely beating UAB and SIU. We're definitely losing to Ohio State and Oregon. So we're 2-2 right out of the gate.
Lean win: Purdue, @MSU, @Maryland, @Nern
Woah! That's three road games I'm confident in!
Toss-up: Duke, Nebraska, @UCLA, Iowa
So that means I'm expecting 8 wins and 4 losses?!?! After losing a great quarterback and most of our offensive line and a lot of our defensive front?
Look I'm gonna be honest, it's been harder for me to keep up with all this stuff. I've been dealing with things since last spring that have exacted a heavy toll on me, the Empire/Republic split left me as a formerly paid Empire writer split in my priorities (until OTE understandably dumped me when my output stopped), and now I have a kid and I'm trying really hard to make all the money work as bad news about our country continues to bombard me in ways from which I can't seem to find any relief. I guess I don't know if I ever really got past or worked through losing my father either, I haven't been the same. I never imagined I'd be sitting in the golden years of Illinois Football predicting another 8-win season to follow up 10-3 and 9-4 and finding it hard to get to a single game, drifting apart from my friends from college, and ultimately being unable to really deliver a worthwhile preview.
Do you know how silly it now seems that I was so invested in such a bad sports team for such a long time? I remember once tweeting "I don't know how the Illini are going to replace [former walk-on receiver that wouldn't start anywhere else] Sam Mays." He quote tweeted me years later with "never have never will." Fast forward and not only has Twitter finally grown into its rebrand as "X" and become such a cesspool that I refuse to go back there, but the game has changed so much that you can't follow it the way you used to. I remember having deep knowledge of the first Lovie Smith recruiting class with those four pretty decent Chicago area players. Only Alex Palcewski ended up amounting to anything at Illinois.
Wait, that's not fair to Kendall Smith, who eventually became a rotational DB under Bielema.
The Illini will be starting three transfers on the offensive line this year. This was considered coaching malpractice as recently as a couple years ago, but Illinois made it work with two transfer tackles for two years. I don't know what to say about all of this except that I understand why my former podcast cohost submitted his resignation when he did. So many of the things I used to love seem like frivolous luxuries in my head now. I can't tell if I'm outgrowing college football, accepting that I'm never moving back to Illinois and finding ways to cope with it, punishing myself for fucking up all the money by dissociating from something I used to love, struggling to find my identity in a mid-life crisis or what I'm doing and why I can't just sit here and write an in-depth preview. I even handed off the duties of the roster deep-dive I've done on that Oregon podcast to HWAHSQB because I didn't feel I could do it. I don't know if they put out that episode. I should listen to it. Probably won't. Sometimes I feel like I don't know anything anymore.
But here's some things I do know: Bret Bielema can win close football games by not pissing down his leg when it comes to game management. Barry Lunney can work with a quarterback that has the tools Katin Houser has and produce a capable Big Ten starter. I really wish we'd grabbed a transfer RB in the portal because our RB room looks weak as hell and there were lots of great options available. I know FAU transfer receiver Jayshon Platt will be the X factor in the passing game and the return game. I know Illinois will sell out some games and I'll wish I could be there. I will be there for the game at Michigan State and I'll try my damnedest to get to a home game. The defense returns enough of the back seven that I can be confident in the transition to a new DC. I don't have the gift of prose that the OTE commentariat once gave me hope that I might have. I'm pretty much tapped out on infographics ideas.
I also know that some way somehow I'll find myself on these game threads. I've apparently been doing this my whole adult life. I don't think I know another way to College Football.
Transient Buckeye: This was setting up to be a bit of a fallback year for Illinois, given the degree of roster turnover. But under Bert, it feels like the floor, at least, is pretty high. And the schedule is about as friendly as it's possible to get in the 2026 Big Ten. The Ohio State game feels like a loss; if Illinois was going to get OSU, the time to do it was last year when the Buckeyes came to Champaign and Illinois had a much more veteran roster. I don't like their chances against Oregon, either, even at home, and Iowa will be a challenge. But Illinois should be favored in every other game they play this year. If we throw in one inexplicable dicktrip, then Thumpasaurus's prediction of 8-4 looks good. But if they just beat the teams they should beat, 9-3 (6-3) is on the table. And yes, that does mean I'm calling for them to beat ACC Champion (lol) Duke.
Kind of...: If four games are "lean win" then that probably averages out to 3-1, maybe even 2-2, more likely than 4-0. And I don't see them sweeping Sparty, Maryland and NW on the road. But I really like Thumpasaurus's metric of Northwestern as the "is Illinois any good" bellweather. So my take is a bit pessimistic.
This feels kind of like 2022 for Illinois. I can see them stumbling late after a nice start. In fact, let's say they're 7-2 after a home win against Nebraska. But I think Bob Chesney + $$$ = feisty UCLA. And it's not hard to see Iowa getting a road win, leaving the Illini 7-4/4-4 heading into the finale, with all of us wondering: "Is Illinois any good?" I don't really think so--lot of new faces on OL, new defensive approach, etc.--so I'm saying 7-5/4-5 for the Illini.
