We're putting up the first few slots now so you've got a Thursday evening open thread, as well as the promise to finish the rest when I'm home tonight and have a beer in my hand. In the meantime, behave yourselves.
In addition to the challenges of a new job, Thursdays have been challenging for getting DWT;WT out to you because I stay home with the Wildkits today. That usually means these are either pre-written in a sleepy haze on Wednesday night, hastily written in the allergist on Thursday morning for Wildkit #2, or don't happen at all.
And, today, that meant "Not at all" because instead of the allergist, we were at the apple orchard.
Not of my own will, mind you: I was volunteered as a chaperone.
That meant pointing the MNWMobile west – Go West, great point, let's fire up some King of Wishful Thinking – for a 45-minute jaunt from Generic Suburb to Rural Apple Orchard and Assorted Pumpkins and Animals.
Side note: if you are ever told by Google Maps to drive straight west on US-12 from the Twin Cities, Do Not Do It. I told myself this time would be different, but it's hard for that to happen when the highway is miles and miles of...this:
That's right. Single-lane in both directions, signed at 60mph but with a concrete barrier or permanent pylons the fifteen miles from the end of I-394 into the rural Hennepin County countryside, you are at the mercy of the driver in front of you.
And that fucking yellow semi did 50 in a 60 for every one of those teeth-gnashing, fifteen goddamn miles.
There were no opportunities to pass, nothing.
There was just "Baby Shark" on a seemingly permanent loop to keep Wildkit #2 happy.
The orchard itself was fine – some goats, cows, and sheep you could hand-feed for free, including the afore-pictured Highland cows, which you could feed apples straight from the crate. The girls loved that, though Wildkit #2 got very scared. Plenty of ridiculous attractions designed to bilk you out of money unless, as the childcare did for us, you bought the all-access wristband: train ride, giant slide (both girls wanted to go up, neither wanted to slide down), rope course, and more.
"And more" it was.
Because guys...
...it happened again.
Thursday Evening
Don't Watch This
James Madison Dukes (-10.5) at Appalachian State Mountaineers [6pm, ESPNU]
Kennesaw State Owls (+9.5, O/U 50.5) [6pm, CBSSN]
East Carolina Pirates at Memphis Tigers (-10.5, O/U 54.5) [6:30pm, ESPN2]
{NFL} whatever slop is on
Watch That
NC Central Eagles at Delaware State Hornets
4pm | ESPN2 | DSU -5.5 | O/U 53.5
Yale Bulldogs at Penn Quakers
6pm | ESPNU | Yale -3.5 | O/U 46.5
You already weren't watching the Kennesaw State game, but I'm dubious on the other two tonight. James Madison should run away with the Sun Belt in their possible swan song, but maybe that means they get everyone's best shot – I'd imagine a roadie at Boone is potentially as tough as they have left (perhaps save a Nov. 14 trip to Hartford for an early-morning date with Sad Husky).
Memphis just lost to Tulane, giving them, once again, their yearly CFP-disqualifying loss. Some traditions are nice and soothing.
In their place? Let's watch some silly FCS action.
Friday Evening
Don't Watch This
Duke Blue Devils at Virginia Cavaliers (-2.5, O/U 47.5) [6pm, ESPN]
Air Force Falcons (-4.5, O/U 44.5) at Wyoming Cowboys [8pm, The CW]
Watch That
Army Black Knights at Tulsa Golden Hurricane
7:30pm | ESPN2 | Tulsa -1.5 | O/U 54.5
North Carolina State Wolfpack at Stanford Cardinal
9:30pm | ESPN | NCSU -6.5 | O/U 55.5 {gross, but it's on}
Not in My Eye!
UMass Minutemen at UConn Huskies
6pm | CBSSN | UConn -14.5 | O/U 50.5
What a weekend of games we've got.
And also no, it turns out Rutgers' loss to UMass didn't age well – the Minutemen took a 24-point pasting from Eastern Michigan, then have dropped one-score games to Miami Hydroxide and Buffalo.
Not a ton of shame in any of those (they're all top-half MAC clubs this year), but...
...well, let's just say I'm aching for the 'Cats to get that transitive UMass loss we've all craved.
Saturday Morning
Don't Watch This
Pitt at #1 Miami Hydroxide [11am, ESPN]
#6 Indiana at Michigan [11am, FOX]
#8 Texas Tech at Cincinnati [11am, FS1]
#18 LSU at Auburn [11am, ABC]
Cal at #23 SMU [11am, The CW]
Rutgers at #24 Northwestern [11am, Le Coq]
Western Michigan at Toledo [11am, CBSSN]
West Virginia at TCU [11am, ESPN2]
Miami Hydroxide at Central Michigan [12pm, ESPN+]
Baylor at Kansas [12pm, TNT]
Hoot Hoot, Bitches
Rice Owls at FAU Owls
11am | ESPNU | FAU -7.5 | O/U 51.5
Watch That
Akron Zips at Kent State Golden Flashes
12pm | ESPN+ | Kent -3 | O/U 46.5 | WAGON WHEEL
A couple weeks ago I flew out of a smaaaaaall regional airport, and the gate agent was announcing the usual pablum about how, because this is a small plane, all items might not fit in the overhead bin.
But, he continued, during the flight they requested that we also "please take anything we may need out of our carry-on luggage in advance: keys, medication, and Bibles."
My goodness, it was a 45-minute flight to Minneapolis-St. Paul. These people are absolutely fucking cooked.
Blessed Wagon Wheel to all who celebrate.
Saturday Afternoon
Don't Watch This
Conference Expansion Was a Mistake
Hawai'i Rainbow Warriors at Northern Illinois Huskies
2:30pm | MW+ | Hawai'i -4.5 | O/U 47.5
Watch That
[6] North Dakota Fighting the Allegations That We're Secret Nazis at [8] South Dakota Fighting the Allegations That We Don't Exist
1pm | ESPN+ | USD -2.5 | O/U 56.5
#15 Iowa Hawkeyes at Minnesota Golden Gophers
2:30pm | FS1 | Iowa -6.5 | O/U 40.5 | PIG PIG PIG PIG PIG
North Texas Mean Green at Navy Midshipmen
2:30pm | CBSSN | UNT -2.5 | O/U 63.5
Minnesota, this would've been ranked primetime if you could've handled your liquor at Purdue. INSTEAD!
Hawai'i-NIU is a Mountain West contest. This is all absurd.
Week 8 schedule quirks:
— Moore College Football (@Moore_CFB) October 21, 2026
• Hawai‘i @ Northern Illinois is a conference game between schools separated by roughly 4,200 miles. Hawai‘i would have a shorter trip to Tokyo, Guam OR Mexico City!
• Indiana is going for its 1st win in Ann Arbor since 1967
• Virginia Tech visits… pic.twitter.com/47kFNO7g8T
Saturday Evening
Don't Watch This
Watch That
More soon!
It's late and I'm drunk...
Don't Watch This
Watch That
When I'm drunk!
Enjoy the games, everyone. I'm wheels up in a couple minutes and about to crack open the Book of Job.
