College Football ad Similitudinum: The Championship
Aren't you glad this is over?
It's been a long and winding road, but we've reached the final installment in the College Football ad Similitudinum series. Thank you to everyone who's taken part in this ridiculous exercise. For those who have just found this column for the first time, this contest has been a whimsical attempt to answer a fascinating question posed by a member of our commentariat early in the season: Which college football coach, current or former, best embodies the fan base at their institution? After starting with 16 candidates, we've narrowed things down to our final two.
Before we get to our thrilling finals matchup, I need to recap the results of the voting in our last round, when the champions of our Eastern and Western Brackets were determined.
Western Bracket Final: When the regional finals matchups were set, I was concerned that we were going to wind up with an all-S.E.C. contest for the championship. But I need not have worried. Our voters clearly showed their Big Ten prejudice bona fides, carrying Kirk Ferentz to victory over former/interim/future (?) Arkansas Razorbacks head coach Bobby Petrino by a vote of 5-3. That Ferentz advances to our championship contest by the margin of a single safety feels like a cruel irony after the events of last weekend.
Eastern Bracket Final: Bret Bielema had been a cheese-powered juggernaut through the Eastern Bracket quarterfinals and semifinals. But the clock struck midnight on Bielema's Cinderella run, as he ran into the irresistible force that is former L.S.U. Coach Ed Orgeron. Orgeron easily disposed of Bielema, taking an early lead in the balloting and coasting to a 7-1 victory. I reached out to Orgeron for comment on his decisive win, but I cannot repeat what I was told, because I'm not sure any of what was said was in English.
With the reporting of our results out of the way, we're on to the main event--the reason that you're all here. Who will emerge as our tournament champion? That's up to all of you.
College Football ad Similitudinum Finals: Kirk Ferentz (Iowa) vs. Ed Orgeron (L.S.U.)
Representing the Western bracket is Big Ten institution (and Iowa coach) Kirk Ferentz. Kirk has stoically chewed his was through the Western bracket, disposing of Texas's Steve Sarkisian in the first round, then unseating B.Y.U.'s LaVell Edwards--the only coach in our contest to hold a longer tenure with his school than Ferentz--before roasting Bobby Petrino in the regional finals. Only one more opponent stands between Ferentz, and the gold medal position on the podium...
...but who are we kidding, this is going to be where Kirk's luck runs out.
Our Eastern Bracket champion, former L.S.U. coach Ed Orgeron, has been a gumbo-fueled force of nature throughout this contest. He cruised to a first-round shellacking of former Michigan State head coach John L. Smith, before recording the contest's only shutout in the second round, blanking Notre Dame's Charlie Weis (this is, by some distance, the most noble achievement of Orgeron's career). In the Eastern Finals, he squared off with Wisconsin's Bret Bielema. When I first conceived of this contest, I imagined that Bert would be one of our strongest contenders. But DaCoachO cared nothing for my preconceived notions, and his Badger challenger was mercilessly paved beneath the newest section of the Orgeron Trail.
The best thing about this championship round (and by that I mean "the best thing for me") is that we now have working polls, so I'll no longer need to tabulate the results by hand.
Voting for the finals will remain open until Midnight, EST on Saturday, November 15th. Please cast your ballots. Let's send our finalists on their way with the incredible heaping of scorn and derision that they deserve. After all, that is the OTR Way.
