Checking in on our B1G Tiers

As noted in the first iteration, it doesn't make sense to attempt a 1-18 ranking of B1G teams. Unbalanced schedules and the guarantee of lots of ties in the standings make that a fool's errand. A solution? Group teams into tiers...and talk shit about them collectively. Here we go!

TIERS OF A CLOWN

(The absolute dregs of the conference...in more than one way. Self-clowning is the best clowning.)

UCLA (holding steady): An 0-3 start, including a loss to lowly New Mexico. Firing your coach already. Spending however much you spent on Nico Iamaleava (The "I-am-a-leaving" jokes HAVE been made, right???). What else needs to be said? You're the biggest dumpster fire in the conference.

WISCONSIN (down two tiers!): Nobody is happier the B1G expanded to 18 than Wisconsin. Otherwise they'd be the biggest dumpster fire in the conference. Blown out at home by Maryland. A yet-to-be-fired coach who seems to have no clue, and who may have needlessly endangered the health of his starting QB. Really starting to feel like Wisconsin hired AAA-level Brady Hoke. Go ahead: find a win on the rest of the schedule. I'm waiting.

LONELY TIERDROPS

(Are you really better than the two already mentioned? Probably not. But nobody really cares.)

NORTHWESTERN (up one tier...mostly out of boredom and because Wisconsin is just performance art at this point): They suck. We knew they would suck. They still have the cool stadium view. Somebody had to win when they play UCLA (bring back ties?), and it's in Evanston. So, fine, take the penultimate tier.

PURDUE (holding steady): So bad last year that giving up 89 points to USC and Notre Dame has people singing Barry Odom's praises. Still, it might require a win in Evanston to avoid a winless conference season. Tough luck on not getting Wisconsin this year. The streak continues.

96 TIERS

(In honor of the one-hit wonder who gave us this song, here are some teams about whom we have questions.)

MARYLAND (up one tier!): We're familiar with September Maryland, but beating Wisconsin is new. Hotshot frosh QB. Is this Maryland making a move? Or is it just that Wisconsin really sucks? <whynotboth.gif> Enjoy the week off to dream about 7-0. (Next three: vs. Washington, vs. Nebraska, @UCLA).

MICHIGAN STATE (holding steady): A 3-0 non-conference performance, with a P4 win is an accomplishment but...1) BC might just suck, 2) Youngstown State win wasn't exactly...convincing, and 3) defense vs. USC looked touch football ready. Still, plenty of schools would kill for Aidan Chiles and USC might have an elite offense.

RUTGERS (holding steady): You had your chance against Iowa. It sure looks like the path to a bowl bid is going to require a couple of road wins. @Ohio State is unlikely to be one of them. Therefore, this week's tilt @RowTown is a pretty important game. Schiano seems to have built up the floor, but a loss Saturday and 3-4/0-4 is staring you in the face.

ILLINOIS (down two tiers...you know why): Wisconsin fan here. I have noted that Bielema's track record with high preseason expectations isn't exactly great. Still...WTF was that? I mean, if you can rally and beat USC, then 10-2/7-2 is still on the table. Go ahead and write your own Finebaum take if that happens and AlabamaGeorgiaaTm is sitting there at 9-3. Nevermind. We're actually looking at an 8-4 ceiling, right? But look at those last four (vs. Rutgers, vs. Maryland, @Wisconsin, vs. Northwestern). Get your shit together Illini!

BLOOD, SWEAT & TIERS

(Yeah, it's a band not a song. Sue me. All the teams in this tier have something capable of messing up their conceit, too.)

MINNESOTA (holding steady): Hey fellas. I'm sure you noticed that Cal, who you lost to, then got shellacked by San Diego State 34-0, right? And I'm sure you noticed that your schedule is set up for a 9-3/6-3 season if you protect the home turf and can find a win in Iowa City, right? Sure looks like you're living on the razor's edge. You're also the ninth team (of eighteen) listed here. Congratulations, Gophers, you are THE representative B1G program. A lot better than being Wisconsin, right?

IOWA (holding steady): Welcome. You're coming after Minnesota, and I do think you are slightly better than the Gophers. But that Kinnick magic of yours...is that still a thing? Indiana, Penn State, and Oregon are all coming. That 12-season bowl streak might depend on beating one of them. Or beating everybody else (except @USC because we know what happens to you in the Pacific time zone).

WASHINGTON (holding steady): You're averaging 57 ppg, but two of you wins were one-score games in the fourth quarter? Just because we're asleep by that time doesn't mean we don't notice. Who. Are. You? What's your thing? Maybe hosting Ohio State will tell us something. Maybe not. Don't get beat up too bad though. @Maryland is there for the taking but also a looong trip.

NEBRASKA (holding steady): Again, these are not rankings. Not saying Nebraska is the seventh best team in the league. But...maybe? That Michigan game was there. You really could've, even should've won it. Yeah you've heard that before? I know. Maybe find a running game so Raiola doesn't die on the field? Still, there's not an automatic loss in any of the next six games (though 2-4 isn't off the table either). It doesn't mean as much as it used to, but a Jan. 1 bowl bid would be a solid step forward.

NO MORE TIERS

(Ozzy! Or at least Oz. In that we're living in a bizarro world where Indiana looks like a more solid, well-rounded team than these two blue bloods. Still, each can legitimately dream of a CFP berth. For now.)

USC and MICHIGAN (both holding steady): Combine them and you probably have the #1 team in America. But Michigan's passing attack combined with USC's defense might miss a bowl game entirely. So, just what are we dealing with here?

Michigan oddly has two consecutive bye weeks before heading to USC on 10/11. (Wait, I'm being told they host Wisconsin on 10/4. As I was saying...) Win that, and there's really no excuse not to be 10-1/8-0 with Ohio State coming to town. Gross, right? But look at the schedule. Easiest conference slate in the B1G. And, yeah, frosh QB, low margin for error, they might lose one anyway. Or lose to USC. Still, the drama potential of hosting OSU with a shot at 10 (or 11) wins? Hate Michigan all you want, it's still worth bringing up just to make some hands tremble in Columbus.

And USC. No, we shouldn't trust a Lincoln Riley defense. But do you trust a Chris Ash defense? Would it stun you to see USC beat Michigan in the Coliseum, then outscore Notre Dame in South Bend after a bye week? If that happens, you're probably looking at 10-0 USC heading to Eugene. 9-1 at worst if either Illinois or Nebraska rises up. At the same time...@Illinois, Michigan, @Notre Dame, @Nebraska. Any of those automatic wins? By mid-October we should have a better sense of things.

TIERS IN HEAVEN

(Clapton? Ugh. But: 1) all these teams are living right for now, and 2) to channel MJ Lenderman, may believe that they are the second coming.)

INDIANA (up one tier...no Curt, I'm not putting Indiana in their own tier): Yeah, we saw that. Yeah, it was pretty damn impressive. You're in the top tier now, Curt. Happy? No. So...not gonna stop mouthing off, huh? That's fine. I mean, nobody feels sorry for Bert. Still, try this one on for size. You go 10-2/7-2 with losses to Oregon and Penn State and a best win of Illinois or Iowa. Michigan and/or USC is sitting there at 10-2 with a best win of, well Michigan or USC. Or @Notre Dame. Or, god willing, vs. Ohio State. I'm really rooting for something like this. Indiana playing the quality loss card while a blue blood that scheduled Oklahoma or Notre Dame in their non-conference makes their case. My favorite team is a crater in Madison. Please football gods. Give me this drama. Give me 10-2 Indiana AND 10-2 USC, or 10-2 Michigan (or both!). Please, please make it happen. If only Harbz were still here to make the press conference sniping even better (okay, slap me, that crossed a line).

OREGON: Let's finish things off by switching around the analysis. Instead of "can you find six (or ten) wins," let's do "can you find three losses" and, thus, a missed CFP spot. For the Ducks, it's obviously @PSU and then some combination of two losses among: vs. Indiana, @Iowa, vs. USC, @Washington. Possible? Yeah. Likely? Probably not. Still, can we get cameras in the locker room for Lanning's pregame speech against Indiana. If it's anything like what he rolled out for Deion, I'm all in. (Can you tell my team sucks? Can you tell I just want some coach drama?)

PENN STATE: The path to three losses? Ooooh! This one is juicy. A home loss to Oregon with questions circling about Allar. The Phil Parker reaches into his bag of brilliant defensive game plans and the Nittany Lions leave Kinnick muttering. Finally, having already used up the White Out, the home tilt vs. Indiana is a Big Noon showdown and Indiana just comes out guns blazing while PSU looks lethargic. Voila! Like with Oregon, this seems possible, but unlikely. But I also didn't even mention the @Ohio State game either. Let's see what happens Saturday night. Could get interesting.

OHIO STATE: Three losses? Hmm. Okay, 1) like so many B1G schools before, OSU heads to the West Coast and turns into a pumpkin, with Sayin looking like a frosh against Washington, and the Husky offense doing enough. 2) Drew Allar gets it done in his last (maybe) chance against the Buckeyes, delivering a win in Columbus. 3) The Buckeyes absolutely turtle up in Ann Arbor. As with Oregon and Penn State: possible but unlikely. Still, if you gave me even odds on at least one of these teams going 9-3, I'd be enticed.

Still plenty of season left for the status quo--and sense of inevitability--to get disturbed.