What Games Are on Tap this Weekend?

We've made it to the end of another regular season of Big Ten football. This, for our loyal readership, will be a cause for joy and/or sadness, depending upon your team's gridiron fortunes since August. As we recline on our couches and drift off into a tryptophan-induced coma, it's time to think one more time about what's coming up this weekend.

So here's a quick look at each of the upcoming week's contests. Interestingly, this is the only time that all ten eleven twelve fourteen EIGHTEEN of our squads will play a conference game on the same weekend this season. To commemorate this historic event (and in celebration of the holiday weekend), I'll be pairing each of this weekend's Big Ten matchups with a particular Thanksgiving tradition. I want to extend my gratitude to both Transient Spouse and Transient Dad for their assistance in coming up with a proper array of Thanksgiving traditions. If you think I've made a clear error in my selections, or if you think you can do better, be sure to share your carefully-considered wisdom in the comments.

Corn: Iowa @ Nebraska (Friday, noon EST, FOX), Iowa -6.5

Corn. It's corn. Am I picking the low-hanging vegetables here? Absolutely. But this is no less accurate for that. A secondary tradition of this matchup, of course, is Nebraska fans collectively pulling their hair out as the clock hits "00:00," while wondering "How the hell did we manage to blow it this year!?"

Deep-Frying a Turkey: #2 Indiana @ Purdue (Friday, 7:30 pm EST, NBC), Indiana - 28.5

For this one, we're going to go with deep-frying a turkey. Some might object, arguing that if Cigs are going to be involved, then the turkey should be smoked. Either way, Purdue is going to wind up seared crispy and then consumed to feed a ravenous Hoosier hunger.

Listening to your racist uncle or family "friend" monologue about politics: #1 Ohio State @ #15 Michigan (Saturday, 12:00 pm EST, BIG NOOD), O.S.U. - 9.5

This game will conjure up one of the holiday traditions that triggers trepidation rather than joy--listening to your racist uncle or family friend loudly declaim about politics at the dinner table. Yes, it's unsettling. Yes, it will make you deeply uncomfortable. No, nothing good will come of it. But you know that you're going to have to sit there and watch it anyway.

Terducken: #6 Oregon @ Washington (Saturday, 3:30 pm EST, CBS), Oregon - 6.5

This matchup has at least two-thirds of the required elements of a Terducken. There's a duck (Oregon) and a turkey (Jedd Fisch). I'm not sure how we make the chicken connection, but I'm sure someone in the comments will help me out.

Deep-Frying a Frozen Turkey: Wisconsin @ Minnesota (Saturday, 3:30 pm, FS1), Wisconsin - 1.5

Deep-frying a turkey can yield a result that is deeply satisfying and delicious. Deep-frying a frozen turkey, by contrast, can yield results ranging anywhere from tragic to hilarious, depending upon whether or not it incurs a body count. When considering the seasons that these two teams have had thus far "anywhere from tragic to hilarious" feels like as accurate a description as any.

Watching the Lions Play: Penn State @ Rutgers (Saturday, 3:30 pm EST, BTN), P.S.U. - 13.5

Watching the Detroit Lions play is a longstanding Thanksgiving tradition, tracing its origins back through decades of NFL history. My wife suggested "watching the Lions lose" as a more accurate tradition, but even the most enthusiastic Scarlet Knights fans don't seem to be very optimistic going into this matchup, so I'm going with the toned-down version.

Pardoning a Turkey: Maryland "@" Michigan State (Ford Field, Detroit, Saturday, 7:00 pm EST, FS1), M.S.U. - 3.5

The tradition of sitting U.S. Presidents pardoning a turkey apparently originated in the late 1970s, during Jimmy Carter's administration. That particular tradition feels incredibly appropriate for this matchup, since Maryland has already announced that Mike Locksley will be returning for 2026, and Michigan State has yet to show any indication that they're going to jettison John Smith.

Raking Leaves: U.C.L.A. @ #17 U.S.C. (Saturday, 7:30 pm EST, NBC), U.S.C. - 21.5

Raking leaves, as a tradition, isn't really specific to Thanksgiving, but it is very much a part of fall for those of us who inhabit the Midwest. And most of us would probably choose raking leaves over being forced to accept that U.C.L.A. vs. U.S.C. is now a Big Ten game.

The First Thanksgiving: Northwestern @ Illinois (Saturday, 7:30 pm EST, Fox), Illinois - 6.5

For Americans in the 21st Century, Thanksgiving is a time to gather for feasting and fellowship with family members and friends. But in 1621, Thanksgiving served as a harbinger for a whole succession of calamities that were about to befall the Native peoples of North America. Considering the Illini's recent history in this rivalry, particularly when they've been burdened by the weight of expectations, this feels like an appropriate metaphor.

To add a solitary serious note, I want to extend my best wishes for a happy and safe Thanksgiving weekend to all of the members of this ridiculous little community. I hope I've been able to provide some of you with at least a few minutes' worth of entertainment, and I'm grateful to AlmaOtter for allowing me to contribute to this constantly-evolving experiment.

What did I get right? What did I get wrong? Can you come up with better associations than I've managed? Have at it in the comments, and let me know what I missed!