This is a column to check in on the rest of the football world, but since it’s 2026 in America I will beat you over the head with The Agenda, which has been updated to “Big Ten Supremacy And No Funny Business.”
THE AGENDA MVP: UCLA BRUINS
The effete liberals from the University of California simply ran out of ways to stop our bruising Midwestern boys from UCLA from scoring six rushing touchdowns. This battle between six-syllable quarterbacks found Nico Iamaleava outdueling Jaron-Keawe Sagapolutele and a stable of running backs stampeding the Golden Bears. UCLA earns MVP honors for a road victory to claim the Atlantic Coast city of Berkley, CA for the Big Ten. The former Pacific Athletic Conference rivals chose new allegiances and Cal chose wrong.
THE PAC CAME BACK
The PAC-12 was rejuvenated into a viable football conference capable of playing a full season, and they kicked off week 1 by going 0-3 against the Big Ten. Sorry, PAC-12, the Rose Bowl is looking like Big Ten territory this year! Fresno failed to score against #14 USC, Washington State couldn't catch up to #17 Washington and Boise State choked away a 17-7 lead over #2 Oregon. Our age-old rivals got swept, proving once again that the West Coast is no match for the Third Coast. Who needs oceans when you have these lakes?
MAC TODAY
Our geographically-aligned little brothers played some football contests against our conference and got the revenue they so sorely needed to keep their programs afloat. In several of these games, our teams were quite gentlemanly as hosts; Nebraska and Michigan State let Ohio and Toledo hang around for a while and #16 Michigan even extended to Western Michigan the courtesy of a fourth quarter lead. Nevertheless, with seconds remaining in the game, Michigan got serious and took the contest on a long passing play. Having already shattered records for attendance, Michigan broke a record for the most fairly officiated college football game of all time in their 13-12 victory over the Broncos. Many are calling it the least controversial sporting display they've ever seen, and it's undeniable proof that this country is entering a golden age of fair play and sportsmanship where confidence men and snake oil salesmen have no future.
Nearly as uncontroversial was #1 Ohio State's 56-3 win over Ball State which featured three touchdowns from college football's best receiver Jeremiah Smith. The MAC also suffered the ignominy of Bowling Green losing to Tarleton State.
MEANWHILE
The Big East has a lot of questions to answer after Big East team Rutgers, representing the Big East, was crushed at home by UMass. Many were saying Rutgers would make some noise in the Big East with returning stars KJ Duff and Antwan Raymond, but the Big East is going to have to look elsewhere for a standard-bearer.
OTHER GAMES OF NOTE
#18 Penn State and #22 Iowa shut out their opponents, with Iowa's foe Northern Illinois traveling all the way from the Mountain West region just to score a goose egg. #6 Indiana handily defeated North Texas, and Illinois, who is unranked despite 19 wins over the last two years, won by three scores against UAB.
FCS SHOCKER
As expected, Big Ten teams took care of business against FCS foes. Minnesota dispatched Eastern Illinois, Purdue experienced no discomfort (especially early) against Indiana State and Maryland routed Hampton. The final FCS game was no cupcake however as it featured plucky Northwestern in their plucky little stadium (home of the plucky underdogs, as it were) against 2023 national champion #3 South Dakota State. The perennial powerhouse was unable to weather the heroic and scrappy performance by the Wildcats and fell 34-18 in front of at least a couple thousand fans.
ELSEWHERE
With few of the SEC's so-called powerhouses challenging themselves this week, few interesting things happened. Auburn outvomited Baylor in something that has the score of a Big Ten West game (17-16) but not the moral character. LSU got a big win against lowly Clemson, and it's becoming clearer every day that Dabo Swinney can no longer compete now that everyone else can pay their players. Ole Miss won a pretty good game against Louisville by a field goal as a Big Ten team would.
In the Big 12, Tulsa embarrassed Oklahoma State while West Virginia squeaked past Coastal Carolina. The ACC took more losses than just Clemson, Louisville and Cal, as Boston College was crushed by Cincinnati and Georgia Tech choked against Colorado.
The AP Poll lists two Big Ten teams at the top two spots and eight B1G teams overall, while the Coaches' Poll matches that but features Illinois receiving votes.
I did not address a team that looked like Rutgers losing to Notre Dame. I'm pretty sure I hallucinated that because it didn't look like a game that happened. Rutgers only played once this week.
NEXT WEEK
It's time for some real action, as #1 Ohio State travels to supposed #5 Texas. The Donghorns are a national title favorite, but this was also true before they lost to Ohio State last season.
#16 Michigan hosts #10 Oklahoma and while the Sooners look better on paper, Michigan sometimes has been known to win games in ways that defy all logic, reason or even rules.
A Big East battle between Rutgers and Boston College is also on my radar, but it's not as big a dot as games like #2 Oregon at Oklahoma State, Duke at Illinois, Iowa State at #22 Iowa or Maryland taking on mighty UConn. Minnesota will also host SEC Tam Mississippi State after Purdue hosts Colors Buddy Wake Forest. Purdue should play Vandy, Wake or Colorado every year.
