Believe it or not, we’ve hit the midpoint of the season for most of the Big Ten teams. A few have only played five games (and look at those Trojan overachievers who have played seven games), but it’s a good time for a midseason check-in before the full grind of THE GAUNTLET of the conference schedule. This “article” is structured to account for preseason expectations.
Tears of Joy
National Championship Caliber
Indiana
Twenty-two straight wins and counting. Thirty-three wins and two losses over the past three seasons. Proof that it is possible to achieve nirvana. IU football is the river. No need to spend any more time on this one.
CFP Fever Dreams
Nebraska, Northwestern, UCLA
Others are likely taking your team more seriously than you are at this point. That’s only natural. You may not be there yet, emotionally, but it will come. When it looks like the CFP is becoming more of a real possibility, the national media may discredit your team due to your “soft” schedule and lack of wins against other CFP teams, but fuck ‘em! We’re already at the mid-point, your team is legitimately good, and there is a very real path for you to make the CFP. You may not make it, but it’s ok to start dreaming.
We Have an Obvious Flaw, but the Playoff Could Still Happen!
Iowa, Southern Cal
These fans may argue that they belong a tear higher, but we all know that’s not true. Those teams have some semblance of balance, yours does not. Southern Cal’s “defense” (54th SP+) and Iowa’s “offense” (51st SP+) are very blatantly going to cost them against better teams. These are still very good teams, and will be playing top tier bowls. Many teams are jealous of where you are! “CFP or bust” is bullshit and no way to live anyways.
Did Somebody say BOWL game?!
Wisconsin, Purdue
You may not want to say it, but I will; your team can start thinking about playing a thirteenth game. I don’t really have my finger on the pulse of Wisconsin, but I have to imagine that they are desperate for any signs of momentum for their once proud (but before that, terrible) football program. Purdue would be in a much better position if they had scheduled differently, but we all know that they would rather miss a bowl game than relinquish the non-conference moral high ground to their hated rival. A bowl game and sticking it to IU over non-conference scheduling? Now that would be Boiler heaven.
Tears From Cutting Onions
Minnesota
You are neither happy nor sad. You are Minnesota. We don’t really understand what you’re doing. Blown out by a dogshit SEC team and PURDUE, but won the Jug, and will probably collect more rivalry trinkets, suffer more blowout losses, and win yet another low/mid-tier bowl game. This is Minnesota football, and it’s not the worst place to be. I actually used to dream of being here. It may drive you to row in one of your 10,000 lakes and rub blood on your face or whatever, but that’s your thing. No one else has to understand it. Everyone is weird in their own house, you just show it more openly than others.
Tears of Sadness
Just a Home Playoff Game, Maybe Even an Away Playoff Game (Ew) if There’s a Meltdown
Ohio State
The Buckeyes may be #1 in SP+ (with the #1 offense and #1 defense), but I don’t think they’re buying it. Ask any Ohio State fan if this team has any glaring deficiencies, then buckle up; they will let you know. Look past the predictive metrics and you’ll see that this team is 60th in rushing yards/game (right below Syracuse) and merely 21st in rushing yards allowed/game (right above Navy). Given their standards, and throw in the fact that they already lost to a dogshit SEC team; one can see why they may be feeling a little queasy in Columbus.
A Bowl Game, if We Even Feel Like Going
Oregon
Over the last three seasons, Oregon went 38-5 with their only losses coming against teams that appeared in the National Championship game. Not bad! Well, unless we get UCLA vs Oklahoma State in the final this season, that streak will be coming to an end. With another massively talented roster in Eugene, many were picking Oregon to win their first ever National Championship in football. Now? It’s all about salvaging what they can and not going into a complete death spiral.
Stormed the Field After Losing to a MAC team, but will Still Hate-Watch Others and Revel in Transitive Wins
Michigan
Title says it all. Really weird that I was able to slot a team here so easily.
Dead, and Looking Forward to Some Olympic Sport
Illinois, Michigan State, Penn State, Maryland, Washington, Rutgers
Your team sucks, you know they suck, and you’re cool with it. Congratulations on speed-running to the final stage of grief, Acceptance. You aren’t in last, quite the contrary; you are actually far ahead of everyone else on the grief progression journey. Please pass your wisdom onto us, enlightened ones.
Do you agree, disagree, or Minnesota on the 2026 B1G Football Tears: Midseason Edition? Let us know in the Comments.
